Let’s face it: life is hard.

And the longer you struggle with insomnia, the more this truth becomes undeniable.

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - and in Buddhist philosophy for over 2,500 years - there’s a core idea that has helped many people find steadiness through difficulty:

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Suffering is inevitable.

But how do we respond to it? That’s where we have a choice.

We live in a world full of unpredictability, loss, discomfort, and emotional turbulence.

The things we love most are impermanent - including our energy, routines, and even our own bodies.

And yet… we’re constantly bombarded with messages that suggest something is wrong with us if we’re not thriving 24/7.

Scroll social media for five minutes and you’ll find polished, highlight-reel lives that seem problem-free.

But here’s the secret most of us forget:

Everyone struggles.

The curated happiness we see is just a moment in time - not the full picture.

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When your days are foggy and your nights feel endless, it’s easy to feel broken.

You might start thinking:

• “What’s wrong with me?”
• “Why can’t I get it together like everyone else?”
• “If I were doing something right, I wouldn’t feel like this.”

This kind of self-talk only compounds the pain.

But when you stop pathologizing your suffering—and instead acknowledge that difficulty is part of life - something shifts.

You stop fighting yourself.

You stop making your symptoms a moral failure.

And you start responding with compassion, instead of judgment.

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Resilience means you learn how to move through suffering with greater steadiness and self-respect.

And here’s the key:

You build resilience not by avoiding pain, but by doing what matters to you even when things are hard.

Which brings us to something crucial:

Your values.

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Most people chase goals as if they were the secret to happiness.

But here’s the catch:

• You may never reach your goal.
• Or, you may reach it - and then realize the happiness didn’t last.
• ​

This is called hedonic adaptation.

Researchers have found that even people who win the lottery eventually return to their baseline level of happiness.

The same goes for people who face major setbacks. After the shock, we adapt.

So what actually creates lasting fulfillment?

👉 The answer: Your intentional actions.

What you choose to focus on. What you choose to live out, even when life is rough.

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Values are qualities you can embody any time, whether or not you’re sleeping well.

They’re things like:

• Kindness
• Courage
• Growth
• Honesty
• Creativity
• Connection
• Compassion
• Service

Unlike goals, you don’t “achieve” values. You live them.

And they bring purpose and meaning in the moment, not just “someday” when things improve.

• What do you want your life to stand for?
• What kind of person do you want to be - even on a rough day?
• What values can guide you through this season of insomnia?

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Next time, I’ll share how to put your values into action - even on days when you feel drained or unmotivated.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End...

If you’ve ever woken up after a rough night and felt like canceling your day before it even started, you’re not alone.

The daytime consequences of insomnia can feel exhausting, discouraging, and relentless.

Maybe you spend the day running on fumes, all while dreading the next night.

It’s completely understandable that you might start withdrawing from the things and people you care about - just trying to make life feel more manageable.

But here’s the catch: that very withdrawal can slowly make things worse.

Let’s look at a few common sacrifices people often make when insomnia sets in:

• Avoiding travel plans
• Pulling back from friends, family, or romantic relationships
• Pausing or quitting work
• Giving up hobbies, regular exercise, or meaningful routines
• Even moving homes, just for the hope of better sleep
• Completely cutting out coffee, wine, or other things you used to enjoy

This retreat is usually done with the best intentions.

You’re doing what you can to preserve energy, reduce stress, or increase your odds of sleeping better.

And in a way, it makes perfect sense.

But here’s what most people don’t realize:

The more your world shrinks to revolve around sleep, the more pressure you put on sleep to “perform.”

It becomes the one thing that must go right - because everything else now depends on it.

This is what we call increasing the Sleep-Stopping Force - when the stakes of sleep get so high that it creates anxiety, vigilance, and tension around nighttime itself.

And that tension?

It’s what makes sleep even harder to come by.

What Happens When You Start Living Again

You don’t need to wait for perfect sleep to begin reclaiming your life.

In fact, the act of doing so can lower the pressure around sleep and give you back a sense of control.

What does that look like in practice?

Start small.

Reintroduce the things you’ve been avoiding - not in a forceful or rigid way, but with gentleness and curiosity.

If you used to enjoy a morning coffee, consider bringing that ritual back.

If you love connecting with friends, try meeting someone for a short walk or lunch, even if you feel tired.

Let’s talk caffeine and alcohol for a moment.

You’ve probably heard that both should be completely avoided.

But full elimination isn’t always necessary, and can sometimes make life feel even more restrictive.

Here’s a more balanced approach:

☕ Caffeine:

If you’re someone who enjoys your morning coffee or tea, you don’t need to give it up entirely.

Having a moderate amount in the morning can improve your mood and energy without harming your sleep.

The key is timing - try to keep caffeine use to the earlier part of the day, ideally before noon.

Be mindful of how it affects you personally and adjust as needed.

🍷 Alcohol: If you like to have a glass of wine or a drink now and then, know that it’s okay to do so in moderation.

Yes, alcohol can disrupt sleep for some - but not everyone is equally sensitive.

If you notice it makes sleep worse, go easy on it as you build sleep confidence.

Over time, you may find your sensitivity decreases and that you can enjoy alcohol again like you used to - without added stress.

Living Fully is Part of the Healing

You don’t have to “wait until you sleep better” to live better.

In fact, the more you re-engage with the things that make your life meaningful - relationships, routines, small pleasures - the more your mind begins to realize:

“I can handle this. I’m capable, even when I’m tired.”

And when the stakes on sleep come down, your nervous system calms down.

The pressure...

You’ve tried mindfulness. You’ve tried pleasant distractions. But now it’s 3 am, and you feel like you’re crawling out of your skin.

Get out of bed.

This might feel counterintuitive. Isn’t the goal to stay in bed and rest?

Yes—and no.

If your bed starts to feel like a torture chamber, then staying in it just reinforces the fear and frustration that fuels insomnia.

Let’s talk about what to do when it’s time to step away.

Changing your physical environment can interrupt the fight-or-flight cycle.

Your brain gets fresh input: “Oh, we’re not trapped. We can move.”

This act alone can help reduce hyperarousal and make the night feel less claustrophobic.

Leaving bed isn’t a failure. It’s a reset.

Your goal is not to exhaust yourself into sleep.

It’s simply to soothe your nervous system and return to bed when your body’s truly ready.

Try:

• Reading in low light
• Listening to calming music, a podcast, or a video
• Doing light stretching or breathing

When you feel sleepy—eyes drooping, head nodding—head back to bed.

Still awake later? You can get up again. You’re not doing it wrong.

You’re not trying to earn sleep. You’re learning to live through the night without spiraling.

Whatever you try—mindfulness, distraction, or getting up—these refinements make a big difference:

✅ Don’t watch the clock. Time-checking = tension. Set your alarm and ignore the rest.

✅ Drop expectations. Your night might surprise you. Let go of “I need X hours.”

✅ Welcome discomfort. It’s hard to be awake at night. That’s okay. It’s not a crisis.

✅ Conserve your energy. Less emotional struggle = more resilience tomorrow.

✅ Accept weird symptoms. Racing heart? Twitching? These are anxiety, not danger.

This process takes time.

There are ups and downs. But every night you stop fighting and start softening, you’re reconditioning your brain.

Peace first. Sleep second.

You’re doing the work—and it’s working, even if you don’t see it yet.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I've now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

1. Looking for a deep dive into the End Insomnia System? Start with the End Insomnia book on Amazon.
2. If you are committed to ending insomnia for good in 8 weeks, 100% naturally, book a call today to see if we can help.

You’re awake. Again. You’ve tried deep breathing. You’ve tried mindfulness. Maybe it helped a little—or maybe it didn’t.

If you’re feeling restless, irritated, or just plain done with trying, here’s another option:

Pleasant distraction. In bed.

Not scrolling your phone mindlessly. Not doom reading sleep forums.

But doing something you genuinely enjoy, something calming enough to help you make peace with being awake.

Let’s explore how this works—and why it’s a surprisingly powerful step on your path to better sleep.

When you’re dealing with insomnia, every minute awake in bed can feel like failure.

The brain goes:

“I have to sleep. I have a meeting tomorrow.”

“This is going to ruin everything.”

That panic is your sleep-stopping force in action.

Here’s the truth: You can’t make yourself sleep.

But you can do something enjoyable to reduce the anxiety and stop the spiral.

The goal here is to shift your attention gently. Nothing too stimulating. Nothing anxiety-producing. Just something that occupies your mind enough to steer it away from worry.

Options include:

• Reading a book
• Listening to a podcast or audiobook
• Watching a show or documentary (if screens don’t rev you up)

Ideally, choose something you’ve already enjoyed before. Familiar = soothing.

If you feel your body start to relax—eyes drooping, yawns happening—that’s your cue.

Close the book, turn off the show, and let sleep come.

If sleep doesn’t show up? That’s okay. Just return to your calming activity.

You’re not “trying to sleep.” You’re making peace with being awake.

You’ve probably heard screens are the enemy of sleep.

Yes, blue light can suppress melatonin slightly. But that’s not what’s keeping you up.

Anxiety is.

If watching a favorite nature documentary helps you relax, that’s far better than lying in bed stewing.

Use night mode. Keep the volume low. Avoid scary or emotional content. But don’t stress too much about the screen itself.

When you make being awake less painful, your nervous system begins to calm down.

You stop feeding the “I must sleep or else” panic.

And that softening? That’s what creates the conditions for sleep to return—on its own, when your body’s ready.

It gives you agency, not control—but sometimes, that’s even better.

Next time, we’ll cover what to do when staying in bed isn’t working at all.

Until then,

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I've now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

1. Looking for a deep dive into the End Insomnia System? Start with the End Insomnia book on Amazon.
2. If you are committed to ending insomnia for good in 8 weeks, 100% naturally, book a call today to see if we can help.

You’ve been lying in bed, wide awake. Again.

You check the clock. You do the math. “If I fall asleep now, I’ll get 4 hours.”

But your mind is racing. You’re frustrated. Tense. Maybe even a little panicked.

This might sound strange, but what if the goal tonight isn’t sleep?

What if the goal is peace, even while awake?

Today, I want to offer a powerful option for when you’re stuck in bed—something that can help you experience more calm, even when sleep won’t come.

Let’s talk about mindfulness in bed.

When you’re anxious in the middle of the night, your mind loves to spiral:

“I can’t believe I’m awake again.”

“What if I don’t fall asleep at all?”

“Tomorrow is going to be a disaster.”

Trying to force yourself to sleep in this state doesn’t work. In fact, the more you try, the worse it gets. You’re likely familiar with that vicious cycle.

Mindfulness offers an alternative. It says: “Yes, I’m awake. And I can be here with this, without adding more pain.”

Instead of spinning in worry, mindfulness helps you anchor into your body, your breath, and the present moment.

You’re not trying to fall asleep—you’re simply being with what is.

And strangely enough, when you let go of trying to sleep, you create the conditions where sleep is more likely to happen naturally.

One of the easiest ways to practice mindfulness in bed is a body scan. Here’s how:

1. Start with your toes. Notice any sensations—warmth, tension, tingling, or even nothing at all.
2. Move slowly through each area of your body:

• Feet
• Ankles
• Calves
• Knees
• Thighs
• Pelvis
• Abdomen
• Chest
• Hands and arms
• Shoulders
• Neck and jaw
• Face and scalp

1. Spend about 15–30 seconds on each part. Go slow. No rush.
2. If your mind wanders (which it will), gently bring it back.

You can do the scan top to bottom or reverse the direction. Either way, your only job is to notice.

This isn’t a trick to fall asleep. It’s a way to become friends with your body and your experience—even if it’s not what you wanted.

Your nervous system is highly reactive at night. Especially if you’ve dealt with chronic insomnia.

Practicing mindfulness gives your brain new input: “Hey, maybe we’re safe after all.”

And that message—repeated consistently—is what begins to unwind the sleep anxiety that keeps you up.

You’re not pushing sleep to happen.

You’re letting it happen when your body is ready—and resting your system in the meantime.

Remember, the point isn’t perfect stillness or peace. It’s progress. If you feel just a little less tense, that’s a win.

Sometimes, mindfulness in bed feels impossible. Your thoughts may be loud. Your body might be buzzing. That’s okay.

If it feels like too much, you can shift to another option—like doing something calming in bed or getting up altogether. We’ll talk about those next.

But tonight, try this:

Let go of the demand to sleep.

And gently ask: “Can I be okay with being awake?”

Even if the answer is no, that’s fine. Asking the question is enough.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I’ve now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

1. Looking for a deep dive into the End Insomnia System? Start with the

Last time we discussed challenging your anxious thoughts.

But sometimes, that alone isn’t enough.

That’s where the second technique comes in: changing your relationship with your thoughts.

This approach comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and is based on a concept called defusion.

What Is Defusion?

Defusion means separating yourself from your thoughts.

Instead of being fused with them (as in: caught up, consumed, convinced by them), you create space.

You go from being your thoughts to noticing your thoughts.

2 Truths That Help with Defusion

1. Thoughts are input, not reality.

Your brain generates thoughts 24/7.

Some are helpful. Some are not.

You don’t have to believe every single one.

In fact, your job is to be discerning: to decide which thoughts get your attention.

You can start by treating thoughts as “mental offerings.” Some you take. Some you pass on.

2. Thoughts are impermanent.

Even the most gripping thoughts eventually pass.

Try this: Set a timer for 5 minutes and simply observe how your mind jumps from one thought to the next.

Even if you want to hold onto a single thought, you’ll find your mind wanders.

This is huge. It means you don’t need to panic when a thought shows up. It won’t be here forever.

Defusion Tools You Can Use

Tool 1: Label the thought.

When you catch yourself in a stressful story, say:

“I’m having the thought that I’ll never sleep again.”

Or just say:

“Thinking.”

This simple shift creates distance. You’re no longer in the thought. You’re the observer of it.

Tool 2: Sing your thought.

Yes, seriously.

Take the thought and sing it to the tune of “Happy Birthday” or say it in a cartoon voice.

“If I don’t fall asleep in 10 minutes, my life is overrrr!” (cue jazz hands)

This doesn’t mock the fear behind the thought. It just helps you break its spell.

The point of defusion isn’t to get rid of thoughts. It’s to hold them more lightly.

One Final Shift

Next time you’re lying in bed, try this:

Notice your thoughts. Label them. Let them be.

And then choose what to do next anyway.

You can let the thought come along for the ride without letting it drive the bus.

Sleep is more likely when your mind is less reactive.

And the less power your thoughts have, the more space there is for rest.

You don’t have to win the battle in your mind.

You just have to stop fighting.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I’ve now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

1. Looking for a deep dive into the End Insomnia System? Start with the End Insomnia book on Amazon.
2. If you are committed to ending insomnia for good in 8 weeks, 100% naturally, book a call today to see if we can help.

If you enjoyed this podcast, consider sharing it with a friend.

Anxiety-fueled thoughts are one of the main drivers of insomnia.

As night approaches, anxious thoughts tend to ramp up.

Then they often return with a vengeance in the middle of the night.

For many, it can feel like walking on eggshells inside your mind, fearful that one catastrophic thought will kick off a chain reaction that ruins the entire night.

It’s a frustrating and lonely place to be.

But there’s good news:

How you relate to your thoughts can radically change how much anxiety and distress they cause.

And that means you can reduce the dirty pain that insomnia adds to your life.

Two main techniques can help:

1. Challenging your thoughts
2. Changing your relationship to them

Let’s start with the first.

Challenging your thoughts doesn’t mean arguing with yourself all night.

It means:

• Becoming aware of a stressful thought
• Noticing when it may not be grounded in reality
• Exploring alternative, more balanced ways of seeing things

Let’s take an example.

You’re lying in bed and think:

“I’ll never get through tomorrow if I don’t sleep now.”

Pause.

Can you remember a time you barely slept and still made it through the day?

Even better, can you remember a time you thought you’d crash—but by evening realized the day wasn’t nearly as bad as you feared?

Now, another example:

“If I don’t sleep tonight, I’ll get too anxious to sleep tomorrow, and soon I’ll never sleep again.”

Thoughts like this are truly not grounded in reality.

Remind yourself of the sleep drive:

The longer you go without sleep, the more your body pushes for it.

You will sleep eventually. Your body is wired for it.

And insomnia?

It can feel miserable, but it’s not fatal. (Seriously.)

1. What’s happening?

• Describe the situation.

2. What’s your interpretation?

• Identify the thought you’re challenging.

3. How do you feel?

• Name the emotion and rate its intensity (1–10).

4. Now challenge the thought:

• Are there other possible interpretations?
• Is the thought accurate, based on what you’ve learned about sleep?
• What’s the actual likelihood of the worst-case scenario?
• If it did happen, how would you cope?

5. Re-evaluate:

• Do your emotions shift when you see it differently?

You don’t have to go through all of these questions every time.

Just catching yourself in the middle of a dramatic thought and asking, “Is that 100% true?” can be enough to ground you.

There are limits.

Sometimes, challenging your thoughts won’t be enough to feel better—especially if the anxiety is based on something plausible (like feeling tired tomorrow).

And sometimes, we turn thought-challenging into a desperate attempt to control our anxiety, which keeps us locked in the struggle.

That’s why we need another tool: changing your relationship with thoughts.

We’ll cover that next time—and it might be the most freeing shift you ever make.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I've now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

1. Looking for a deep dive into the End Insomnia System? Start with the

If you’ve struggled with insomnia, you know this isn’t just about feeling tired.

It’s about the suffering that comes with not sleeping.

The fear.

The frustration.

The feeling that you’re broken.

The dread of the next night.

The anxiety about tomorrow.

It can feel like a never-ending spiral. But there’s a way out.

It starts with understanding the difference between clean pain and dirty pain.

Clean vs. Dirty Pain

This idea comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and it’s a game-changer.

• Clean pain is the natural discomfort that comes from difficult life experiences—like fatigue from a bad night, sadness, or disappointment.
• Dirty pain is the suffering we add on top of that experience with our reactions.

For example:

• Feeling tired = clean pain
• Telling yourself “I’ll never feel normal again” = dirty pain
• Feeling anxious = clean pain
• Berating yourself for being anxious = dirty pain

Dirty pain keeps you stuck.

It’s the loop of overthinking, catastrophizing, self-judgment, and avoidance.

It’s the extra suffering we create by resisting reality instead of accepting it.

The more you engage with dirty pain, the more revved up your nervous system becomes—and the harder it is to sleep.

But when you recognize it, you can shift.

You can choose to feel the clean pain—and skip the extra suffering.

Drop the Rope

Imagine you’re in a fierce game of tug-of-war with the “Insomnia Monster.”

You’re pulling with all your strength, trying not to fall into the pit.

You think:

“If I just try hard enough, I’ll win. I’ll finally sleep.”

But no matter how hard you pull, the monster pulls harder.

You’re exhausted, terrified, and it feels like you’re losing ground.

Here’s the twist:

You don’t have to win.

You can drop the rope.

When you stop fighting, the monster may still be there—but the struggle changes.

You’re no longer draining your energy in a battle you can’t win.

You’re reclaiming peace, one moment at a time.

You Can Choose a New Relationship with Insomnia

You don’t need to accept insomnia forever.

You don’t need to love being tired.

But you can learn to stop fighting every moment of it.

Mindful acceptance is how you find relief.

Not just when your sleep improves, but starting now.

Even while things are still messy.

Here’s the truth:

You won’t always feel calm.

You won’t always get it “right.”

But every time you shift from resistance to acceptance, you take a step toward peace.

And every step makes sleep easier.

So the next time you’re lying awake, ask yourself:

Can I stop fighting this moment, just for now?

Then see what happens.

You’re doing better than you think

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I’ve now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

Looking for a deep dive into the End Insomnia System? Start with the End Insomnia book on Amazon.

If you are committed to ending insomnia for good in 8 weeks, 100% naturally,