Have you ever had to FIGHT somebody in order to help them?

I’ll bet we all have that friend who meets you with resistance when you offer to show up for them. “It’s too much,” they tell you – even if it’s no trouble at all.

Today, we continue our conversation about giving and receiving support with Laura Malcolm, the founder and CEO of Give InKind, a one-stop social support platform where you can organize all you might need to help somebody: meals, rides, GoFundMe updates, you name it.

Laura shares her beautiful story about how she created Give InKind and how she sees people utilizing the service today. Some use it to organize care for a family going through pediatric cancer; others use it to plan whose turn it is to call Grandma.

One of the most important things we cover is that we are ALL worthy of support, no matter our socioeconomic status, no matter how “not bad” we have it. Because honestly, it’s not always about the help itself – it’s also about the gesture, making us feel connected and cared for.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Give InKind, a one-stop-shop for helping friends and family in hard situations, with places to organize meal trains, grocery store trips, pet sitting, wish lists, etc.
• The idea for the service, which came about when Laura and her husband lost their first child to stillbirth and her coworkers set up a meal train for them
• Ring Theory, the vulnerability it takes to give/receive support, plus, what people were asking for on Give InKind that threw Laura off guard
• Why part of support is about connection and the act itself – no socioeconomic status is more or less deserving, and you don’t need to be in an emergency to receive care

Resources & Links

Want more on giving and receiving support? See Episode 112 and Episode 113. Be sure to check out Give InKind and the Ring Theory I mentioned in this episode.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

I used to love being the “strong friend.” For awhile, it was a large part of my identity, and I’d brag about dropping anything to help a friend in need.

In retrospect, it’s easy to see how being the “strong friend” came naturally to me. I had a complex, traumatic childhood, and as the eldest daughter, I became a caregiver at a very young age and dealt with a lot of unpredictable circumstances.

At school, I put myself in leadership positions where at the end of the day, the buck stopped with me, from becoming class president to varsity coxswain on the rowing team. But over time, it became clear this title – the “strong friend” – came at a cost.

That’s what today’s episode is about: the costs of being the “strong friend,” and how I eventually was able to remove myself from this role (which had its own costs). If you’ve ever played this role, I hope this episode gives you permission to make small shifts to lighten your load. I promise, those changes do add up over time.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How being the “strong friend” actually denied other people in my life the chance to show up for me and for each other
• The unsustainable patterns this dynamic created, going from one grand gesture to the next, and how this impacted school, work, and my partnership with Michael
• Choosing gestures that are actually not disruptive – for us, it’s company – vs. disruptive, like taking time off work to stay with somebody
• How I shifted some of these patterns, including learning to build bridges instead of boundaries

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 85 about shifting people-pleasing patterns and to Episode 112 about breaking the ways we show up into phases.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

At the time this episode airs, there are devastating wildfires in Los Angeles – and yet, I’ve seen some beautiful levels of response. When something bad happens, whether to one person or an entire community, people want to help.

Consequently, I’ve been thinking a lot about how people show up for one another. In a world where so many feel disconnected, helping someone else is a way to feel less alone.

Today’s episode is about how to be there for people during a loss. These ideas are applicable to anybody experiencing a tragedy, from losing their home to losing a loved one.

There is no perfect way to show up. Stop putting that pressure on yourself and be okay with the fact you’re probably going to make mistakes. If you’re in the middle of supporting someone now, know that you’re doing matters. Keep being brave enough to show up.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Being okay with discomfort and the fact that you can’t fix what’s happening to somebody – but you can provide support for them
• Looking at immediate needs first: do they have physical shelter, food, water, or clothing? Do they need a place to sleep for the night?
• My own personal experience receiving help after losing my mom at age 13 – plus, the realities of freeze state
• The value of specific offers, doing what you’re naturally good at, and coordinating with others via existing networks
• Dos and don’ts when it comes to supporting people going through hard times (for example, DON’T try to force silver linings; DO validate their feelings)

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!