I used to love being the “strong friend.” For awhile, it was a large part of my identity, and I’d brag about dropping anything to help a friend in need.

In retrospect, it’s easy to see how being the “strong friend” came naturally to me. I had a complex, traumatic childhood, and as the eldest daughter, I became a caregiver at a very young age and dealt with a lot of unpredictable circumstances.

At school, I put myself in leadership positions where at the end of the day, the buck stopped with me, from becoming class president to varsity coxswain on the rowing team. But over time, it became clear this title – the “strong friend” – came at a cost.

That’s what today’s episode is about: the costs of being the “strong friend,” and how I eventually was able to remove myself from this role (which had its own costs). If you’ve ever played this role, I hope this episode gives you permission to make small shifts to lighten your load. I promise, those changes do add up over time.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How being the “strong friend” actually denied other people in my life the chance to show up for me and for each other
• The unsustainable patterns this dynamic created, going from one grand gesture to the next, and how this impacted school, work, and my partnership with Michael
• Choosing gestures that are actually not disruptive – for us, it’s company – vs. disruptive, like taking time off work to stay with somebody
• How I shifted some of these patterns, including learning to build bridges instead of boundaries

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 85 about shifting people-pleasing patterns and to Episode 112 about breaking the ways we show up into phases.

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