"GLUTTONY: Diners, Disney, Death Row Meals & Dole Whips"

In this episode, Keith and Jarod dive headfirst into the theme of gluttony—but not the shameful kind. The good kind. The earned kind. The kind where you live a little louder, eat a little better, and squeeze every last drop out of life.

From California diners to Florida theme parks, this is a cross-country meditation on indulgence, contentment, and what it means to really enjoy yourself. Jarod breaks down a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Walt Disney World to visit his son Parker, who's deep in the Disney College Program. With insider access to Club 33, and hospitality from the unmatched Brian and Tommy, the trip was packed with magic, meaning, and yes... blue noodles.

Keith, on the other hand, stayed behind and did what any self-respecting man with the house to himself does: went on a full-blown solo bender. Golf. Groceries. A Jordan Sandwich from El Rancho. A pint of McConnell’s Sweet Cream. Chips. Salsa. A trip to American Host diner in Lompoc with Chris Parker that may have broken the Saarloos Diner Index.

They compare death row meals (fried chicken & waffles vs. crab cake eggs Benedict), explore the architecture of the perfect waffle, and break down the emotional strategy of Disney fireworks.

Along the way, you’ll hear:

• The origin story of Keith’s face on a South Park ice cream flavor

• Why Dole Whips in Florida ≠ Dole Whips in California

• How Brian saved the churro line at Disneyland (true story)

• What it feels like to be a guest in a place run by people who make everything better

And somewhere in the middle of it all, you'll realize—this isn’t really about food, or even Disney. It’s about knowing when to put your phone down, lean back in the booth, take a bite, and say, “Man, that was perfect.”

You're the Beast – Episode 2: “International Waters & Customer Service” 🌏✈️

In this globe-trotting episode, Keith checks in from Sydney Airport while Jarod preps for Mad Mike’s Summer Bash in Queenstown, New Zealand – where drift cars literally whip around a moving bus. We talk international adventures, childhood vending machines, customer service wins (and woes), the art of crafting your life, and why traveling like you’re 12 is the best way to go.

From $100 Dutch haircuts to Qantas lounge massages and Heineken Zeros in the sky, this one’s a travelogue with soul. Keith shares why Amsterdam stole his heart (and introduced him to the holy grail of stroopwafels), and Jarod gets crowned a "bear trap" for always scoring free drinks on planes and in gay bars alike.

We hit Alaska’s Midnight Baseball Games, the terrifying glory of Denali, and ask the ultimate question: who gives the best customer service in the world? (Spoiler: In-N-Out wins.)

Grab your passport, put 20 bucks on the counter, and get ready to fly economy with VIP vibes.
This is Episode 2. This is You're the Beast.

Episode 1.5 - The Underbelly of the Beast
(As described by Robin Williams, if he were mainlining espresso and existential philosophy at the same time.)

🎙️ Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your seatbelts, adjust your nostalgia goggles, and prepare for a joyride through the cerebral chaos of the modern generalist! This is a podcast episode that zigzags through pop culture like an 80s action hero dodging explosions—except the explosions are deep thoughts, ADHD-fueled tangents, and the occasional commercial break that may or may not involve a kazoo orchestra.

💨 Imagine a Ferrari Testarossa tearing through the neon-lit streets of your brain while simultaneously pulling over for a philosophical pit stop. We’re talking about the art of being a generalist—dabbling, diving, and occasionally belly-flopping into every interest known to mankind. One moment, it's a deep dive into car culture and the sacred rituals of the bro bonding experience; the next, it’s a masterclass in weaponized ADHD, proving that distraction isn't a weakness—it’s a turbo boost!

⚖️ But wait—there’s more! (Always more! The brain never stops!) This episode asks the big questions: What does success actually cost? How do you balance passion with, you know, actually having a life? Is 86 percent good enough? (Hint: yes, because perfection is exhausting, and who has the time?)

🔥 Oh, and pop culture—yes, nostalgia! The warm, VHS-static-fuzzy embrace of the things that shaped us, molded us, and probably ruined our attention spans forever. This is a love letter to the randomness of interests, the unpredictability of life, and the humor that makes it all bearable.

📞 And remember, THIS CALL IS BEING RECORDED. But just like all good things, it must eventually end—preferably with a dramatic fade-out and an iPhone sound effect reminding us that life, much like this podcast, is worth every ridiculous, wonderful, off-the-rails moment.

Welcome to the inaugural episode of You're the Beast, where hosts Keith Saarloos and Jared DeAnda take you on a freewheeling ride through sonic booms, childhood movie trauma, and the untold linguistic erosion of modern society.Welcome to the first episode of You're the Beast—a show where conversations go off the rails faster than a box truck with a blown tire. And speaking of things flipping over, we kick this one off with a real-life disaster story—trucks wrecking, U-Hauls catching fire, and a moving plan so cursed even Caltrans was like, “Bro, turn around.”

But oh no, it doesn’t stop there! The universe keeps swinging with a massive sonic boom from a SpaceX rocket, shaking up the valley and causing full-scale Close Encounters of the Third Kind paranoia. People running onto roofs, calling their cousins, looking for UFOs—it was either aliens or Elon Musk. Could go either way.

Then, we take a hard left into childhood trauma, where we realize we were all fed a steady diet of cinematic chaos: Goonies secretly teaching kids Spanish curse words, Who Framed Roger Rabbit being equal parts groundbreaking and deeply disturbing, and Armageddon reminding us that if you didn’t cry when Bruce Willis said, “Take care of my little girl,” you might be a robot.

And just when you think we’re done, we barrel straight into a deep philosophical debate—Pacific Rim, masterpiece or glorified Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots? Why do people keep asking to touch our hair? And why in the name of Shakespeare did we let “alls I know” become a thing?

No format. No filters. Just two guys talking like nobody’s listening—except you are, and now you’re stuck with us. Welcome to You're the Beast! Buckle up, it’s gonna be a ride!