Are you stuck in the same painful relationship patterns? What if every repeated conflict actually starts with the most important relationship of all—the one with yourself?

In this transformative episode, I reveal how your inner world drives your external relationships & introduce the Trigger Pause Revolution—the life-changing difference between reacting & responding. You'll discover why your relationships are mirrors, how to use triggers as teachers, and the simple 20-second pause that shifts any conversation.

If you're ready to break relationship patterns that keep you stuck and develop emotional intelligence that transforms every connection—this episode is for you.

Perfect for: Anyone struggling with relationship patterns, communication breakdowns, emotional triggers, or seeking deeper connection & self-awareness in all relationships.

Key Takeaways

✨ Every relationship pattern traces back to your relationship with yourself—heal the root, transform everything else

✨ Your relationships are mirrors—what triggers you most reveals your unhealed patterns and growth opportunities

✨ The Trigger-Pause Revolution—discover the 20-second nervous system reset that changes everything

✨ PROJECTION vs REFLECTION mastery—learn to tell when you're seeing yourself in others vs. genuine relationship dynamics

✨ From reactive to responsive living—break the trigger-reaction cycle

✨ Pattern recognition skills—become aware of how your inner world shows up in every relationship

✨ Emotional flooding science—understand what happens to your brain during conflict & how to regulate

✨ Curiosity over certainty—the relationship game-changer that creates understanding instead of arguments

✨ Two Tiny Tools—the Pause Practice & Weekly Relationship Check-In for immediate transformation
Powerful Quotes

"Your relationships are mirrors."

"The pause is where your power lives. The pause is where you get to choose who you want to be."

"Get curious instead of certain. You have to be willing to give up the need to be right and replace it with the desire to be curious."

"Your triggers become teachers instead of threats."

"The most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself."

"Instead of being at the mercy of other people's behavior, you become curious about what you can learn & how you can grow."

Chapters

00:00 — Why Every Relationship Pattern Starts With You

02:31 — Pattern Recognition: Your Relationships as Mirrors

05:46 — The Trigger-Pause Revolution: Where Your Power Lives

10:07 — PROJECTION vs REFLECTION: Relationship Gold

15:20 — Two Tools for Immediate Relationship Transformation

17:16 — Introducing The Summer Superfood Series

Until next time, Beautiful Souls...

Stay connected and keep growing with me:

✨ Instagram: @lulu.essey – Join the conversation and get daily insights!
✨ YouTube: Lulu Essey – Watch exclusive content, deep dives, and video podcasts. Need a quick boost? Check out my YouTube Shorts—powerful insights in under a minute!
✨ Website: luluessey.com
✨ Free Guide: Break Free from the Success Trap– Download my free guide

💛 If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube and please SHARE this episode!

THANK YOU for being here. Sending you grace and love!

What if every hard relationship in your life—your partner, your friends, your colleagues, even your family—could be traced back to one relationship you tend to forget?

The one with yourself.

This week on The Lulu Essey Podcast, I’m exploring the relationship that sets the tone for every other one in your life. Because when you change your relationship with yourself, build self-trust, and develop curiosity... everything else begins to shift.

If you’ve been struggling with relationship patterns, feeling misunderstood, or caught in cycles of self-criticism and your inner critic, this episode offers a different path forward.

I also share a story from a recent workshop with Elizabeth Gilbert—and how one letter cracked open everything I thought I knew about fear, self-love, and the way we connect with others.

Key Takeaways

✨ Every frustrating relationship pattern traces back to your relationship with yourself

✨ Self-compassion starts with curiosity, not forced affection—observe yourself like a kind documentary filmmaker

✨ Fear isn't your enemy—it's a protector trying to keep you safe from perceived danger

✨ The "Letter from Fear" exercise—let fear speak to loosen its grip on you

✨ Why we're kinder to others than ourselves—and how to bridge that gap

✨ Contradictions aren't problems to solve—they're the beautiful complexity of being human

✨ Creating space between you and automatic reactions transforms relationships

✨ Curiosity over judgment always—in relationships with yourself and others

Powerful Quotes

"Every relationship you have with others is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself."

"What makes other people worthy of your love and not you?"

"What if fear isn't your enemy trying to sabotage you? What if it's actually a protector trying to keep you safe?"

"Our contradictions become interesting rather than shameful."

"Let fear speak. When you let it speak, it no longer has control over you."

"Curiosity over judgment, awareness over fixing—always."

Chapters

00:00 — The Foundation: Why Self-Relationship Matters
06:54 — Beyond Forced Self-Love: Awareness & Curiosity
13:40 — Understanding Fear as Your Protector
19:31 — The Letter from Fear Exercise (Elizabeth Gilbert Method)
25:03 — How This Transforms Your Relationships with Others
27:36 — Your Practice: Becoming Your Own Kind Witness

Tools Featured

🔧 The Kind Witness Practice — Observe yourself with curiosity, not judgment
🔧 Letter from Fear Exercise — Let fear speak to loosen its grip
🔧 Curious Self-Reflection — Notice patterns without immediately fixing them
🔧 Space Creation Technique — Pause between trigger and reaction

Until next time, Beautiful Souls...

Stay connected and keep growing with me:

✨ Instagram: @lulu.essey – Join the conversation and get daily insights!
✨ YouTube: Lulu Essey – Watch exclusive content, deep dives, and video podcasts. Need a quick boost? Check out my YouTube Shorts—powerful insights in under a minute!
✨ Website: luluessey.com
✨ Free Guide: Break Free from the Success Trap– Download my free guide

💛 If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube and please SHARE this episode!

THANK YOU for being here. Sending you grace and love!

Spring is here—and with it comes the perfect moment to reset your mind, refresh your energy, and clear out the mental clutter that’s been weighing you down.

This episode is a Mental Fitness refresher—a highlights reel of the most powerful tools, frameworks, and Tiny Tools I’ve shared so far on the podcast. If you’ve been listening for a while, this is your invitation to revisit what works. If you’re new here, welcome—this is the perfect place to begin.

Whether you're feeling anxious, emotionally drained, or simply ready for a fresh start, these practices are designed to meet you where you are and move you forward—one gentle, grounded step at a time.

This isn’t about overhauling your entire life. It’s about finding the tools that support your growth—from the inside out.

Key Takeaways

• The LOVE Framework – Listen to your inner voice, Own your worth, Value your journey, Embrace imperfect action
• The ENOUGH Framework – Move from “never enough” to grounded self-acceptance through daily micro-practices
• The Mental Fitness Bank – Build emotional resilience like savings—tiny deposits create compound impact
• 4 Quick-Shift Tools – Box Breathing, This Moment Only, Facts vs. Feelings, and The Kind Witness
• Your brain responds better to kindness than criticism—neuroscience proves it
• Small steps, practiced consistently, create lasting change

Powerful Quotes

“Perfect action isn’t available. Imperfect action? That is always available.”
“We cannot find peace in the world when we are at war with ourselves.”
“Every tiny promise you keep to yourself is a deposit into your Mental Fitness Bank.”
“You give yourself the magnificent opportunity to have both roots and wings.”

Chapters
00:00 – Spring Cleaning Your Mental Fitness Toolkit
02:58 – The LOVE Framework: Self-Love in Action
08:30 – The ENOUGH Framework: Reclaiming Your Worth
16:19 – The Mental Fitness Bank: Tiny Deposits, Big Change
22:13 – 4 Tiny Tools to Shift Your State (in Under 60 Seconds)
26:45 – Your Action Plan: Reset, Rewire, Rise

Until next time, Beautiful Souls...

Stay connected and keep growing with me:

✨ Instagram: @lulu.essey – Join the conversation and get daily insights!
✨ YouTube: Lulu Essey – Watch exclusive content, deep dives, and video podcasts. Need a quick boost? Check out my YouTube Shorts—powerful insights in under a minute!
✨ Website: luluessey.com
✨ Free Guide: Break Free from the Success Trap– Download my free guide

💛 If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube and please SHARE this episode!

THANK YOU for being here. Sending you grace and love!