Help us shape Season 3 of Is My Child A Monster?! For the first time ever we’re doing a listener survey. You have the opportunity to tell us what you love —or would love less of — on Is My Child A Monster! The anonymous survey should take less than 10 minutes, and you’re welcome to answer as much or as little as you like. We’d love your thoughts even if you’ve never listened, help us understand why! Or maybe this is a good time to check out an episode.

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Do you need feedback? Of course you do. We all do! But giving and receiving feedback whether it's from or to your child or co-parent can be challenging. Feedback can often feel like criticism and can even feel invalidating. This episode is all about giving and receiving feedback skillfully so that you or the other person doesn’t become defensive or shut down. Today’s episode welcomes back Leslie’s daughter Dale Rubury who shares how she moved from the defensive stance as a child to the open and willing stance as an adult.

Time Stamps:

• 3:18 Feedback is part of communication in all kinds of relationship
• 3:55 Defining Feedback as nonjudgmental information about their behavior that is intended to help someone grow
• 7:49 Why is feedback so important
• 9:00 The person receiving feedback has complete power over HOW they receive it
• 9:07 What is RODBT? Radically Open Dialectic Behavior Therapy Fact Sheet
• 12:55 The faith of parenting means you believe that the child heard you
• 16:18 Why some kids have more difficulty getting feedback than others
• 19:05 In public some kids will receive feedback differently than when they are at home. It may be known as masking (click here for more information)
• 21:18 Notice and name their reaction
• 21:25 "Did i just say something was invalidating to you"
• 22:20 Watch out when the child gives feedback to you the parent
• 23:30 It’s the parent’s job to model receiving feedback for the child
• 24:33 Give kids time and space to learn to accept feedback
• 27:40 “Is this a good time to give you feedback?”
• 33:03 Use the metaphor of a buffet
• 37:49 Tips on receiving feedback
• 38:34 Recovering from invalidation
• 40:19 Not everything has to be processed, sometimes it’s healthier to let some things go

Resources:

• Sign up here to be a parent guest on Is My Child a Monster? Podcast
• Radically Open DBT Fact Sheet
• Leslie’s Video: Stop Repeating Yourself
• Leslie’s Newsletter on I-Must-Have-Done-Something-Wrong Street

Leslie-ism: Growing as a parent is about being open to new ideas, open to learning, and open to feedback.

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special

Exposure to books makes a big difference for children. Reading not only fosters cognitive and emotional development but also builds closeness and routines. This week, Leslie spoke to author Deborah Farmer Kris about her experience as a teacher and parent, highlighting the unique needs of each child and the intellectual and emotional challenges of parenting. Kris also promotes the use of public libraries and simple, consistent reading routines. Kris's books, including those in the "All the Time" series, aim to teach emotional literacy and provide caregiver tips. She stresses that being a stable, caring adult is crucial for a child's resilience and well-being.

About our guest: Deborah Farmer Kris is a parent educator, journalist, and children’s book author. Deborah has written for CNN, PBS KIDS, NPR, The Washington Post, the Boston Globe Magazine, and Oprah Daily. She is an advisor for the PBS KIDS show “Carl the Collector,” and is wrapping up edits on a parenting book, called “Raising Awe Seekers: How the Science of Wonder Can Help Our Kids Thrive.” She also founded the parenting website Parenthood365

Time Stamps

9:50 Cascading benefits of reading aloud- many cognitive benefits

12:15 Building memories, building routines

13:50 Creating a literacy rich environment

• Developing a context for understanding the world around you
• Building routine establishes a sense of groundedness

15:13 Libraries are under utilized which are free and public

19:20 Creative ways to bring books into the lives of children

22:40 Comprehension is higher than one’s ability to read

25:50 Books can teach emotional literacy

30:43 “I notice….” is a phrase you can use to open the door to communication

33: 20 Books have a therapeutic effect on children and adults alike

• Using children’s books to teach therapeutic concepts. For example “Quick as a Cricket” teaches about our many parts and a dialectic perspective

36:07 Harvard ‘s research study on resilience in children found that it boils down to one factor: the presence of one stable, caring adult in their life.

Resources:

• To Learn more about Deborah Farmer Kris visit her Parenthood 365 Website
• Click here to get Deborah Farmer Kris’ fabulous books for emotional literacy
• Leslie List of Children's Book for Developing Emotional Literacy
• A Video made by Leslie about How to use Books as Conversation Starters
• Harvard University: The Center for the Developing Child’s Research on Resilience

Leslie-ism: Try to find 10 minutes a day to read to your child

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-R