To quote Max Stossel “social media is drastically impacting young people’s mental health, focus, social skills, productivity and self-worth". On today’s episode, Leslie has a conversation with technology expert, Max Stossel, who was a media strategist before becoming an educator on this topic. He speaks about the reality of phones and compassionately, how parents do indeed have to deal with this reality because it's not going away. Max increases our understanding of how social media is designed to keep kids (and us) on the phones. He offers practical solutions to work on and hopes to create a common language between parents and their kids.

Time Stamps

3:45 Max explains his mission to “help children survive and thrive in the modern world”

• Social Media is like gas on a fire of all the issues that were already there for teenagers/kids such as self worth, bullying, etc

5:00 Help kids to have a mindful moment of really checking in about how their technology makes them feel

8:40 How understanding slot machines and their variable reward system explains how and why we use the phone (Intermitten reinforcement which keeps a behavior going

11:37 Changing the question to your child from “do you like this? TO how does it make you feel?”

• “How does it make you feel during and after?”

13:00 We can help children develop an awareness of what they are feeling during and after being on technology

14:45 Discussing the overwhelm that parents feel with the pressures of tech use

15:30 Discussion of why and how to delay giving your child a phone for as long as possible and problem solving

19:16 Max’s list a few of his recommendations (see show notes for a more extensive list)

• Removing phones from bedrooms
• Using Technology is a trade between presence or looking at my phone. Its a choice
• Narrate that choice- take responsibility for the choice you make
• The bigger the screen the better (more social accountability and less isolation)

24:15 Two role play situations. 25:17 Trying to get your teen off their phone. 34:20 When your tween asks you to get them a phone

28:40 Review of the strategies of the first role play

38::00 Review of the strategies of the second role play

42:20 Technology gets in the way of self discovery

45:30 Experiment with substitute experiences instead of scrolling

Leslie-ism: Replace the question of “do you like this TO how does it make you feel”

Resources:

Max Stossel’s Organization Social Awakening Website with technology resources

Here is a list of best practices recommended by Max Stossel

Here is list of best practices recommended by Max Stossel

Max Stossel’s Website as a Poet and Performer

The Center For Human Technology with a link to the movie The Social Dilemma

Wait Until 8th Movement - resources and information

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram,

Parents have to deal with the daily activities of getting their kids dressed, fed and out the door. Sometimes there are great strategies and skills to help in those situations. And sometimes those are just what Leslie calls “messy situations” that come with raising kids. This is the third and final session with Kevin & Scott who have two boys - 7 year old Gavin and 4 year old Arthur. This episode is chock full of strategies and the discussion focuses on mindfulness skills as well as interpersonal skills. And stay tuned to the end of the episode where Scott gives us an update on how these sessions have helped both parents.

Time Stamps

2:22 Mindfulness practice helped their child be more focused and it helped the parents stay calmer and less frustrated

6:58 Definition and examples of one-minded

9:15 When kids don’t like making mistakes? How to use Cope Ahead Skill

10:35 Helping the parents feel more competent

• Removing the “shoulds” from the homework task

12:30 How can you lower the expectations and still help your child reach their full potential

15:18 Role play scenario to demonstrate what to do when things are tense or escalating

• Strategies that respectfully help the child whose brain says “I need to tell you every little detail of a story”

18:40 Look for some collaboration and Identify the dialectic dilemma between your goal vs your child’s goal, your needs and your child’s needs

20:50 Definition of a synthesis

21:30 Use two hands to help your child visualize the two parts of dilemma

26:50 Messy moments are intrinsic to raising children

27:28 What to do during the big meltdowns

• Notice and Name the child’s state of mind - “You are in emotion mind”,
• Move the child from emotion mind to wise mind - make a list
  • Physical touch (X marks the spot)
  • Do you want a hug?
  • Do you want space?
  • Hand the child an ice pack
  • Put on classical music
  • Do something physical - lay on the floor, do some jumping jacks
  • You can be the distraction
  • Draw a road with many choices for how to get somewhere
  • Co-regulate yourself

33:30 Stay connected and set your limit

34:05 Be a broken record - Let your child know that you are there

34:55 Learning takes place between the meltdowns - Model and teach skills

35:50 An example of being irreverent - getting their attention by being genuine. This is NOT sarcasm

37:35 Parents need to support each other

Leslie-ism: Next time you or child feel anxious, try counting your steps

Resources:

• Leslie’s Handout on Dialectic Images for Finding a Synthesis to a Dialectic Dilemma
• Is My Child A Monster? Dealing with Overwhelm with Special Guest Dr. Kiki Fehling - to review the TIPP skills and other mindfulness skills
• Cope Ahead DBT Skill Handout

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by

Homework is a time of frustration in many families. And there are so many root causes that contribute to the defiance that often comes with homework. In today’s episode, which is the second session with Kevin and Scott, Leslie discusses and assesses what’s going on and what to do with those homework issues. Kevin and Scott are parents to 7 year old Gavin and 4 year old Arthur - two neurodivergent boys, who are trying incredibly hard to be the best parents they can be. Leslie points out that perhaps everyone can try different, not harder.

Time Stamps

3:40 Varying your skills is often very effective - mix it up a little

4:13 The opposite of self-compassion is self-deprecating and self-judgements

6:00 Using your skills intentionally makes the skill for effective

6:50 Family value of doing things together as a family

Children avoid parts of their homework that’s hard for them.

• The child may have difficulty admitting that they made a mistake

9:40 Review of the should’s from the homework for Kevin and Scott

10:39 How to believe your own compassionate statement

11:35 Looking at yourself before you became a parent

14:24 Should-ing yourself or your child often turns into shaming

15:20 The pressure of parenting

16:38 Validate your thoughts but don’t attach to those thoughts

17:40 We don’t have to try harder, we have to try different

18:40 The many uses of mindfulness

23:03 What to do when your child refuses to do school work

• Give your child information about what happens to them
• Put it on paper so it is tangible and visual

26:08 Many kids don’t want to talk about a past situation that didn’t go well

27:00 Homework is an opportunity to “see” who your child is and to help them understand themselves

28:15 Assess why is your child struggling with homework

31:30 Transitions may be challenging for kids with ADHD

32:40 Being seen and understood creates connection between parent and child

• Connection is the opposite of feeling shame

34:03 Helping your child when they make a mistake and get upset

• “Can you give yourself permission to make a mistake”
• “That really threw you into emotion mind”
• Ahead of time, “are you prepared to make some mistakes” or “can you handle making a mistake today”

37:44 Going to school for the neurodivergent child is extra exhausting. Some accommodations may be needed to create an environment that is supportive

39:20 New ideas and strategies may be refreshing in a the family dynamic

40:42 Keys to parenting when homework is problematic

42:30 Defiance is not the measure of being a bad parent. Remember defiance is helping you understand your child

Leslie-ism: Don’t try harder, try different!

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and