Parents have to deal with the daily activities of getting their kids dressed, fed and out the door. Sometimes there are great strategies and skills to help in those situations. And sometimes those are just what Leslie calls “messy situations” that come with raising kids. This is the third and final session with Kevin & Scott who have two boys - 7 year old Gavin and 4 year old Arthur. This episode is chock full of strategies and the discussion focuses on mindfulness skills as well as interpersonal skills. And stay tuned to the end of the episode where Scott gives us an update on how these sessions have helped both parents.

Time Stamps

2:22 Mindfulness practice helped their child be more focused and it helped the parents stay calmer and less frustrated

6:58 Definition and examples of one-minded

9:15 When kids don’t like making mistakes? How to use Cope Ahead Skill

10:35 Helping the parents feel more competent

• Removing the “shoulds” from the homework task

12:30 How can you lower the expectations and still help your child reach their full potential

15:18 Role play scenario to demonstrate what to do when things are tense or escalating

• Strategies that respectfully help the child whose brain says “I need to tell you every little detail of a story”

18:40 Look for some collaboration and Identify the dialectic dilemma between your goal vs your child’s goal, your needs and your child’s needs

20:50 Definition of a synthesis

21:30 Use two hands to help your child visualize the two parts of dilemma

26:50 Messy moments are intrinsic to raising children

27:28 What to do during the big meltdowns

• Notice and Name the child’s state of mind - “You are in emotion mind”,
• Move the child from emotion mind to wise mind - make a list
  • Physical touch (X marks the spot)
  • Do you want a hug?
  • Do you want space?
  • Hand the child an ice pack
  • Put on classical music
  • Do something physical - lay on the floor, do some jumping jacks
  • You can be the distraction
  • Draw a road with many choices for how to get somewhere
  • Co-regulate yourself

33:30 Stay connected and set your limit

34:05 Be a broken record - Let your child know that you are there

34:55 Learning takes place between the meltdowns - Model and teach skills

35:50 An example of being irreverent - getting their attention by being genuine. This is NOT sarcasm

37:35 Parents need to support each other

Leslie-ism: Next time you or child feel anxious, try counting your steps

Resources:

• Leslie’s Handout on Dialectic Images for Finding a Synthesis to a Dialectic Dilemma
• Is My Child A Monster? Dealing with Overwhelm with Special Guest Dr. Kiki Fehling - to review the TIPP skills and other mindfulness skills
• Cope Ahead DBT Skill Handout

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by