It's easy to let our thoughts sink into the "shoulds" that have been programmed into us:

"I should be able to handle this: other people say it's easy."

"He should be able to get ready and go to school by himself - he's old enough now."

"I should have paid my taxes weeks ago - why does this feel so hard?"

However, running our lives on "shoulds" often robs us of the joy and creative life-energy that is our human divine right, and robs us of our need for choice fulness.

In this episode, we have three different discussions centered around what we "should" or "shouldn't" do, as we dive into the idea of authentic choice fulness:

• 1:10 Help! I don't want to go back to my dentist!"
• 16:56 How to give a voice to competing parts of ourselves
• 22:08 What does healing look like?
• 24:20 How can I have "radical acceptance" for a situation that's hard?
• 32:29 How do I look after myself while also caring for the needs of my child?
• 36:02 Is there such a thing as an "anti-need"?

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When we want to stay in relationship with people who have hurt us, it's important for us to figure out a way to connect with them in a way that keeps us open hearted and also protected.

But how, exactly, can we show up open heartedly in ways that also protect us and keep us safe?

That's where open hearted and loving boundaries come in. In this episode we explore:

• 1:00 How can I make the implicit explicit?
• 12:00 It takes discipline to focus on what's working
• 16:13 I feel exhausted and hurt by my sister's behavior. How can I make it better?
• 22:09 What does a healthy relationship look like?
• 30:27 What open hearted boundaries can sound like
• 36:24 We get to choose who we let into our lives

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

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We've all been well trained in the rules of the game we all know. We've been taught to be dutiful children, loving siblings, tolerant friends.

But when some of us realize that we've outgrown the status quo, it can feel like an act of rebellion and revolution as we transform the rules of a system that no longer works for us in search for a more authentic way of life.

At the very beginning of this episode, I walk through my "Getting to the Heart of the Matter" Flowchart, a tool designed to transform conversations away from shame and blame and towards authentic, loving connection. We then explore transforming cultural norms for healthier relationships and delve into:

• 1:03 A tour of my "Getting to the Heart of the Matter" Flowchart
• 6:40 My niece sulks and pouts if she doesn't win a game
• 11:14 An alternative to winning/losing
• 16:01 I feel bad. Does that mean I AM bad?
• 17:18 My friends are slower than I prefer. What can I do to change them?
• 22:30 Help! I'm my father's caregiver, and I'm burned out.
• 25:08 Resentment and disgust signal a need for a boundary
• 27:16 The journey back to wholeness can be counter cultural
• 41:51 How can I connect with my adult daughter?
• 47:09. The 2 keys to successful giving

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

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Love cannot be ordered up.
Care cannot be demanded.

If we want certain people to love us, or care about us, is there anything we can do to make that more likely?

This episode explores various relational moves across three scenarios that might help to inspire more care for ourselves from other people. We discuss:

• 1:36 The stove is broken. How can I inspire my partner to care about this?
• 5:25 The two levels in every conversation: Tactical and Relational
• 9:43 How to amplify another's good intentions
• 16:59 How to have an honest discussion with a friend group?
• 21:05 Checking for shared purpose: Do you still want a connection with me?
• 23:36 How to show up differently in a conflict
• 31:23 Strategies for getting my HOA to care about our well water

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

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We may be interested in living an authentic, honest life.

Unfortunately, that doesn't necessarily mean those we're closest to are interested in doing the same thing.

The easiest way to encourage those around us to show up authentically is by ensuring we make that experience as easy and enjoyable as possible for them.

In this episode, we discuss:

• 2:31 My daughter rescinded her dinner invitation and my feelings were hurt, and I pretended it was fine when I was actually really hurt.
• 13:34 How powerful requests can revolutionize relationships
• 17:10 Behavior is coded communication
• 23:46 My grandson won't greet me
• 28:30 A script for gathering the data needed to move forward
• 38:17 Getting Grounded in Our Goodness
• 40:30 How to interrupt interpersonal violence
• 46:12 A special offer just for you!

Two upcoming programs are discussed in this episode. Click on the links below for more info:

Fall Deep Dive: A Look at Grandiosity and Shame

March 2025 Retreat in Santa Fe

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

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• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Navigating relationships with difficult family members can sometimes be a Herculean task.

This episode highlights four main strategies for walking the path of authentic communication with family members who can be hard to connect with:

1. Practicing the art of translating judgments into feelings and needs.
2. Maintaining deep connection with ourselves.
3. Locating the conversation in the present and not the past.
4. Melting defensiveness by creating enough internal capacity to be present to someone else's pain.

We discuss:

• 5:07 My family can be so judgmental. How can I communicate better with them?
• 6:26 How to practice translating judgments into feelings and needs.
• 16:10 The inside practice essential for staying grounded when someone else is activated.
• 19:17 "When we are helping someone else wake up to the dynamics of a situation, we want it to be as gentle as possible so they enjoy it and do more of it."
• 25:08 How can I establish trust with my brother who avoids me?
• 32:58 Want to change the same old complaint-filled conversation? Try locating the conversation in the present, not the past.
• 36:23 How can we begin melting defensiveness?
• 37:11 A script for moving forward when you need an answer and the other person is silent.
• 40:15 How to get more of what you want.

Something that can make it difficult for families to connect authentically with one another are the relational habits we fall into. This fall I'll be offering a practice group that dives deep into narcissism and shame and I'd love to see you there! Interested in learning more? Check out all the details.

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

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Changing our default patterns in relationships takes intention and effort. Whether we're wanting to act differently with loved ones at home or with strangers in public, relational transformation starts by turning inward and working with ourselves, first.

In this week's conversation we discuss:

• 1.01 Find information on my upcoming offerings: Deep Dive into Narcissism and Shame and winter retreat Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• 3:16 "My usual MO would be to run .." I want to experience myself in a new way, what can I do?
• 5:56 How do we establish shared reality with others?
• 9:47 The quickest way to kill generosity.
• 11:53 Finding courage to ask the hard questions I usually avoid asking.
• 14:49 A tip when dealing with avoidant attachment patterns.
• 19:36 Why demands don't work.
• 22:13 Meeting needs vs caring about needs.
• 25:25 The biggest gift we can give one another.
• 26:24 Responding to a child's unpleasant behavior with nonviolence.
• 33:33 Connecting with a parent to discuss their child's behavior
• 38:20 How to approach "feeling dismissed and invalidated"

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Follow me on YouTube
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• Set up a private session
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This week's episode explores themes of belonging, and the human need we all share for community.

We explore:

• 1:59 I don't feel like I belong anywhere
• 5:50 Rising into grandiosity or sinking into shame
• 7:19 Belonging to Yourself
• 12:05 The role of reverence
• 14:03 How do I handle passive aggressive comments?
• 25:20 We're either repeating or transforming a dynamic
• 26:43 Make the implicit explicit
• 34:28 My friend takes a long time to text me back and it hurts my feelings

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Follow me on YouTube
• Join my membership program
• Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus