This episode is the third in our conflict mini-series, if you missed the last two, definitely go back and catch them! Two weeks ago, we walked through six steps for healthy conflict. Last week, we hit the self-sabotage pitfalls that derail it. And this week? We're laying out a step-by-step path for self-regulation, the actual work you can do before the conversation even begins.

Whether it's naming that you're triggered, taking 20 minutes to calm your brain, or journaling out what you really feel (instead of reacting from anger), this episode gives you a clear, practical roadmap. Conflict doesn't have to be chaotic and knowing your number just helps you navigate it better.

Oh, and yes... Scott’s Tots comes up. You’ve been warned.

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Last week, we laid out a six-step process for navigating conflict, but let’s be honest, sometimes the real struggle is what happens before the steps even start. In this follow-up episode, Damon and Kelly unpack the emotional landmines that often sabotage our best intentions in conflict.

From blame to emotional avoidance, they explore five self-sabotage traps and how each Enneagram type might fall into them. Whether you're a Nine trying to keep the peace, a One trying to make it right, or a Four deep in your feelings, this episode will help you recognize what’s getting in the way, and why it matters.

Stay tuned next week for the follow-up: how to move toward emotional self-regulation when conflict arises.

• The five emotional traps that sabotage healthy conflict
• How your Enneagram number may fall into specific pitfalls
• Why “blame” is emotionally satisfying — and what it costs you
• The subtle ways we numb, bury, or get stuck in unhealthy patterns
• How recognizing self-sabotage is the first step toward change

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Conflict doesn’t have to mean shouting matches or broken relationships.

This week on Beyond Your Number, Damon and Kelly dive into a topic that touches every relationship—conflict. They unpack how different Enneagram numbers experience disagreements, why some avoid it while others charge in, and how even small differences in opinion can feel like big battles for certain types.

Kelly shares a practical six-step roadmap for moving from destructive arguments to healthy, constructive conflict—including tips on picking the right time and place (hint: maybe skip the bedroom), why driving or walking might help guys talk, and how simply being heard can sometimes be enough resolution.

Whether you’re passive, aggressive, or somewhere in between, this episode is packed with tools to help you navigate disagreements without losing your voice—or blowing up bridges.

1. Set a time and place for discussion
2. Name the issue (on your own)
3. Explore possible solutions (on your own)
4. Discuss perspectives and solutions together
5. Choose a resolution together
6. Set a time and place to evaluate

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