#25: Mastering Communication in Marriage: The Silent Treatment and Avoidance – Why They Destroy Trust

Synopsis:

Shutting down or walking away might feel like peace, but it’s poison to your marriage.

In this episode, we’ll expose why the silent treatment and avoidance erode trust—and how to break the habit.

Point 1: Silence Isn’t Safety

You think stonewalling avoids a fight, but it’s a wrecking ball swinging through your marriage.

She’s left guessing—Are you mad? Done? Over it?—and that uncertainty cuts deeper than any argument.

Research shows 85% of divorces cite “emotional withdrawal” as a factor, and silence is the poster child.

When you go quiet after she snaps, “You forgot again,” she doesn’t feel relieved—she feels abandoned, like you’ve left her to drown in the mess alone.

I had a client, Nick, who’d ice his wife out for days after a fight—until she said, “I’d rather you yell than vanish.”

He tried, “I’m upset, but I’m here,” and it changed everything.

Next time you’re tempted to shut down, say something—anything—to stay in the ring: “I’m pissed, but I’m not leaving.”

This week, break one silence with a gritty, “I’m still with you.” It’s not pretty, but it’s honest, and it keeps her from building walls of her own.

Point 2: Avoidance Breeds Resentment

Dodging the hard stuff—like that bill you forgot or her “We need to talk”—doesn’t make it disappear; it festers like a splinter under your skin.

She’s not nagging when she brings it up; she’s pleading for you to step up as her partner, not her ghost.

Every time you say, “Later,” you’re piling resentment on her shoulders—she’s carrying it alone while you’re off pretending it’s fine.

I worked with a guy who’d avoid the “money talk” until his wife exploded—then he faced it, said, “I’ve been scared to deal—let’s do it.” Messy? Yes. But trust grew.

Avoidance tells her, “You’re on your own,” and that’s a slow bleed to divorce.

Pick one thing you’ve been dodging this week—maybe her asking about your mood—and face it: “I’ve been off—can we hash it out?” It’s not fun, but it’s fuel for connection.

Don’t let resentment stack up—rip the Band-Aid off and watch her respect you for it.

Point 3: Re-Engage with Courage

Breaking this habit takes guts—it’s easier to hide than to show up, but that’s why it’s leadership.

Start small: “I’ve been quiet because I’m stressed—can we talk?” It’s not a perfect speech; it’s a crack in the dam that lets trust flow back.

You don’t have to fix it all—just prove you’re in it.

I counseled a guy whose wife thought he didn’t care because he’d vanish into silence—until he said, “I shut down when I’m mad, but I’m working on it.”

She didn’t need him to be flawless; she needed effort.

Consistency rebuilds trust one shaky step at a time—think of it like lifting weights: first rep’s rough, but you get stronger.

Try it this week: one moment you’d usually avoid, step in instead—“I’ve been off; let’s figure it out.”

It’s raw, it’s real, and it’s the opposite of running. She’ll see you’re fighting for her, not against her, and that’s where the healing starts.

Wrap-Up & Call to Action:

This week, replace one silence with words—stay engaged. Follow the podcast and share this with a man who’s shutting down too. Let’s fight for connection together.

Final Thought: Silence doesn’t protect your marriage—it starves it.