“In many ways, sibling estrangement is like mourning the living.”

After witnessing firsthand the heartache of fractured sibling relationships, journalist Fern Schumer Chapman embarked on a journey to understand and heal family estrangement–in her own life and those of others.

Our host Ed Coambs chats with Fern as she shares her deeply personal experiences and professional insights from her book, Brothers, Sisters, Strangers: Sibling Estrangement and the Road to Reconciliation. As the daughter of a Holocaust refugee, her story brings a unique and poignant perspective to this often misunderstood issue, shedding light on how trauma can ripple through generations.

“Sibling estrangement is an expression of a family system.”

Fern guides us through the different types of estrangement, from physical separation to emotionally distant relationships, and brings up the difficult question of whether reconciliation is even possible. Emotions run deep as they address the feelings of unlovability and failure that often accompany estrangement, and talk about the cultural barriers that prevent open discussion of these difficult topics.

“If you shut down the relationship here and now, you’re not just affecting this relationship. You’re affecting this generation and possibly the next.”

Aging and life transitions can also complicate sibling dynamics, often bringing hidden tensions to the surface during moments of crisis, such as parental illness or inheritance disputes. Ed and Fern analyze risk factors like narcissism, mental health challenges, and political differences that can strain sibling bonds.

Fern asks us to never forget the value of strong foundational relationships, offering guidance and hope for those navigating the rocky terrain of sibling estrangement.

Key Topics:

• Why Fern Writes on Sibling Estrangement (02:51)
• Defining “Family System” (05:05)
• Sibling Estrangement Risk Factors (07:11)
• Defining “Sibling Estrangement” (8:26)
• Navigating the Estrangement-Reconciliation Cycle (17:22)
• How Your Children’s Behavior May Trigger Your Own Fears and Insecurities (24:22)
• Other Sibling Estrangement Risk Factors (26:11)

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