Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• How does one communicate needs in a marriage when one partner is stuck in the shame spiral of addiction? My husband gets defensive when I express my needs, which deepens my emotional wounds. How can I safely share my feelings and build trust and intimacy when he reacts this way?
• Could you talk more about spiritual bypass? It seems like people sometimes use faith or spiritual practices to avoid addressing deeper emotional or relational issues. How can we recognize spiritual bypassing, and how can it be harmful to personal healing or relationships? I’d love to hear more on this topic.
• I would like to hear more about self-esteem or self-love in healing. For the betrayed partner, working on self-esteem has been foundational to my healing and my husband's. Yet, church and Christian writers often reject the concept, especially in women's ministry. Why is there fear of elevating oneself in this context?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org

We can’t wait to hear from you!

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• Our sex life confuses me. My husband expects me to engage instantly, even after disconnection, yet refuses intimacy unless I’m fully enthusiastic. I’m willing, even when not interested, but he won’t proceed unless I’m all in. We feel like we live separate lives—could that be affecting our intimacy?
• My sex-addicted husband won’t have sex, even after 5 months sober. He avoids it, can't perform without porn or escorts, and even Viagra isn’t reliable. I try, I’m willing, but he pulls away. What now? Will we just become roommates? Can he heal? Do I accept a sexless marriage?
• Could you discuss how to navigate touch in a relationship after betrayal? My husband, currently separated and sleeping on the couch, doesn’t understand why I can’t stand being touched—even a hug. His touch feels like “taking” from me, and I feel gross when I don’t desire it. How can we address this?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org

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If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• After 29 years, my husband had an affair, quit his job, filed for divorce, and left—refusing counseling or reconciliation. I still love him and believe in restoration, but he’s enamored with someone else. Am I pitiful for hoping? How do I find peace when my ex husband shows no remorse?
• I’m at the end of my rope. After 37 years of porn use, my husband is only in Seven Pillars because I gave an ultimatum. He shows no real desire to change. How is Betrayal & Beyond helpful when there’s no true repentance? Are these resources only for willing spouses?
• After 42 years of marriage, my husband changed after retirement. We stopped having sex early, and he turned to porn. Now, he lies, denies, and gaslights me, even after attending groups. At 76, I wonder if he truly wants change. Should I stay or separate? Any advice?

PD Podcast w/ Andrea Rogers

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- My husband has nearly 9 months of sobriety. He finished Seven Pillars and now attends a men's group for ongoing support, but he's growing tired of the 30-minute drive. How much sobriety and healing should he have before stepping away from group? When is it okay to stop?

- Most resources address wives betrayed by porn or affairs—but what about the wife who realizes she is where her husband acts out? What if she’s both his sex drug and dealer, yet he refuses to see it and blames her lack of desire, ignoring his pressure and coercion?

- PLEASE, PLEASE DO MORE ABOUT HUSBANDS ACTING OUT WITH PROSTITUTES. That’s what my husband did for years and I’m so beyond broken. I can’t find a lot of info on acting out with sex workers. They were younger than my daughter and I don’t know how to handle it. 💔

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I recently joined Pure Desire. Is it okay for a woman to discuss with her pastor her sexual issues with her husband in their home? What responsibility does the pastor have in this situation? In what environment should he accept this responsibility and offer guidance?
• I'm a therapist with a newly married client who struggles with low sexual desire despite loving his wife. He abstained before marriage, avoids porn, and they share affection and closeness. He's confused by his lack of drive. What might be causing this, and how can I support him?
• If a person is on the fence about whether to join a group (either B&B or Seven Pillars), what advice, guidance, or encouragement would you give regarding making that decision? As a group leader, I question whether a couple can find true healing, have a thriving marriage, and be great parents without either joining a group or seeking professional help.

Send us your questions to unfiltered@puredesire.org

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If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I'd love to hear you discuss forgiveness. We're often warned against forgiving too soon or improperly, but rarely told how to forgive the right way. When is the right time? What does forgiveness look like without reconciliation or trust? Can unforgiveness lead to bitterness in a betrayed wife?
• Could you discuss practical tools for building empathy in relationships? It feels essential for healing, especially after betrayal, but it’s often hard to know where to start. What are some specific actions or strategies that can help partners develop deeper empathy and understanding for each other’s feelings and experiences?
• After 30 years of marriage and my husband’s struggle with sexual addiction, he’s found freedom. But a recent non-sensual massage triggered me—reminding me of past betrayals. Am I overreacting? Do I need more healing? Should I ask him to seek another man's perspective, or just let it go

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Email your questions to unfiltered@puredesire.org

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I am wondering if a husband is supposed to tell his wife about relapses after full disclosure? My husband doesn’t want to cause me “more trauma” and says, “I am acting like an accountability partner.” When I tell him it’s to help restore trust with honesty, he says he has been honest because I’ve known about his struggle. But I don’t know about current relapses. He is in a program and I am seeking healing. Any insights on how to have this conversation? Is he right?
• My husband has been relapsing for 2.5 years and doesn't disclose within the agreed 24-hour period. Instead, he waits weeks or months, which leaves me feeling hopeless and angry. What boundaries should I put in place and how long do I let him continue this pattern? Although he’s in a Seven Pillars group and working on recovery, his ongoing deception makes rebuilding trust difficult. I have a safety plan in place, but his lying is a major issue. I want him to find freedom, but I don’t know how much more I can endure.
• Are there guidelines for healthy boundaries during separation? A separation safety action plan? How to help the kids through this? After a previous separation, I rushed back, but now, a year later, my husband violated my safety plan, requiring another separation. I’m in counseling, he’s nearing the end of his Seven Pillars group, but avoids personal counseling. He claims to be “trying,” yet the same patterns persist—relapsing every 3-6 months and swapping one addiction for another. I’m not seeing real growth or accountability.

7 Key Components of a “Therapeutic” Separation Agreement

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’ve been leading Betrayal & Beyond groups. Sometimes I’ll have women whose husbands are involved in paraphilia and I wonder how to help them. (Cross dressing, exhibitionism, anonymous sex with other men even though they are not homosexual, etc.) I haven’t seen or heard any advice from PD on this subject. Can you offer some encouraging things I could share with them? I don’t want to make them feel worse by saying the wrong thing.
• What are the thoughts around women reading fictional books that have spicy scenes? Is it wrong across the board? My husband has been in Seven Pillars and Compassionate Warrior groups and I've gone through a Betrayal & Beyond group. My thought for the books being acceptable is reading about women who actually have a sex drive and are passionate about being intimate with their partner. A freedom they must have in the fictional world without a betrayal in their history. Lol.
• I'm looking for advice on where Christian women can learn specific ways to enhance their sex life. In my youth, I read secular magazines with tips on touching a man’s body, but now, as a Christian, I want to avoid non-God-honoring content and porn. Our sex life is decent, but I want to improve it. I've read several Christian books on sex, but they feel too basic. After 18 years of marriage, any tips on spicing things up?
  

Sheila Wray Gregoire's Resoureces

The Gift of Sex by Cliff & Joyce Penner

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