This tape starts with snowmobiling. Or rather, the sound of snowmobiling — since the machines don’t move, the locals just make noises and call it “Skidoo.” Caleb provides ear-wind simulation.

What follows is a baffling rundown of Bootstuck’s print-based “social media flyer” (which might be Facebook, or a hand-drawn newspaper), an attempt to replicate the Sears catalogue by hand, a supplement run “from the mothers,” and a local philosophy that includes boots falling off, yelling “John!” into the void, and using wood for everything.

The more I listen, the more convinced I am: these people might actually believe they’re hosting the Olympics.

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I’ve been cataloguing these tapes for months now, and I’m still not sure if Bootstuck is a functioning township or an elaborate performance art piece. This tape starts with something called a "snowman minute"—a unit of time defined by how long it takes to both build and melt a snowman—and somehow drifts into what can only be described as a failed Winter Olympics bid… held in someone's backyard.

There’s talk of a ski hill (five feet high), a chairlift (manual, powered by Caleb), and skis fashioned out of chopped wood and tied to boots with straps. There’s also “top ball” competition, which is apparently snowman-related and definitely not regulated. Eventually the conversation devolves into a series of increasingly frantic declarations about pop tops, bottle caps, and imaginary medals—all shouted with more enthusiasm than clarity.

Oh, and the mayor might be trying to bring Olympic events to town… one at a time… mostly in the basement. With soda. And possibly darts.

I don’t know anymore.

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I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this.

This latest tape kicks off with a brief mention of Titanic 2 (apparently still unreleased in Bootstuck), and only gets murkier from there. There’s discussion about avoiding spoilers—of both the cinematic and automotive variety—followed by a story about someone named Stephen who didn’t wave and has now been entered into a “wishy-washy book,” which I suspect is a very real, very serious document in Bootstuck governance.

And then we get to the hall. Not City Hall or Town Hall. Just the hall. Where Caleb sleeps. It apparently doubles as a civic building and possibly a waiting room, assuming you bring your own chair. Zoom, as you can imagine, is not an option.

BUT— and here's where it gets concerning—the mayor may have internet access. This was dropped casually, like it wasn’t a massive revelation. The man has a modern haircut, which, in Bootstuck logic, is apparently correlated with news consumption and outside awareness. Questions abound.

The episode ends with a truly unsettling segment involving a creature named Eddie—possibly a man, a myth, or a toilet-drinking beast with cold nose and pointy ears. It may or may not be Dave. No one seems to know, including the people involved.

I’m no closer to understanding what’s going on in Bootstuck, but I do know this: if you’re ever invited to “the hall,” bring a chair, don’t mention Zoom, and never assume your toilet is off-limits

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