Is disconnection simply the result of modern life — or is it a deliberate feature of the systems we live in?In this episode of The Loneliness Industry, I’m joined by Professor Sam Vaknin — author of Malignant Self Love and one of the most cited (and controversial) voices on narcissism — for a deep dive into why we are so isolated.We agree on one point: disconnection is built into our systems. Where we differ is on how we got here.Sam argues these systems reflect the human condition itself — inherently narcissistic and isolation-seeking — supported by a Lacanian-based justification of humanity’s inherent alienation.If you are a regular listener of the podcast, you’ll know my own view is different. Influenced by Foucault’s analysis of power structures and Butler’s work on social norms and identity, I see disconnection as encouraged because those in power benefit from keeping us apart.This episode begins with a question that spawned an in depth exposition of Vaknins theory of the human condition. What followed is a lively, challenging conversation about narcissism, loneliness, human nature, and the forces that shape our connections — and disconnections. This lively, challenging conversation covers: • A Lacanian-based justification of humanity’s inherent alienation • What narcissism really is — and why Sam Vaknin believes it’s part of the human condition • The role of fantasy in avoiding human connection • How loneliness and disconnection are built into modern life • Whether isolation is a choice or the result of power structures • Why some believe technology encourages social isolation • Different perspectives on human nature and our capacity for connection • How narcissistic systems shape our relationships and communities • What happens when philosophical and psychological theories collideIf you’ve ever wondered whether disconnection is something we’ve chosen — or something designed into the fabric of our culture — this episode will challenge you to see the question from two very different angles.

Modern Western spirituality doesn’t “go wrong” — it starts wrong. It’s built on the same toxic values that fuel narcissism and consumer culture: control, grandiosity, and the myth that you alone shape all reality. In this episode of The Loneliness Industry, we break down how modern “spiritual” movements — from manifestation coaches to Instagram gurus — package narcissism as healing and sell a God complex as enlightenment. We unpack how these systems shame people for struggling, replace empathy with blame, and leave followers more disconnected than ever. If you’ve sensed that something about New Age spirituality feels manipulative, this episode will help you see why it’s toxic from the start — and how it was built to be that way. Drawing on thinkers from Nietzsche to Hegel, from Lasch to Eva Illouz, this episode shows how toxic spiritualism was born from capitalism’s narcissistic values — and why gurus keep selling the same false salvation. Philosophers, thinkers, and writers featured:

• Friedrich Nietzsche — the “God is dead” idea that set the stage for Western spiritualism.
• Hegel — the master-slave dialectic explaining how gurus and followers are locked in cycles of power.
• Christopher Lasch — critique of narcissistic culture linking directly to the rise of Western spiritualism.
• Sam Vaknin — his narcissistic cycle theory shows how covert (vulnerable) narcissists long to become overt (grandiose).
• Eva Illouz — emotional capitalism explains how spirituality turns empathy into a marketing tool.
• George W. Bush — referenced for “freedom” as propaganda.
• George Orwell — and the idea of Newspeak, showing how language masks control. Author of 1984.