It's a New Year, and we're not talking about resolutions. In this episode, Bri and Annie explore the idea of setting intentions for the family dinner table, to help families get the most out of their shared meals. They delve into the recent research on how families adapted their mealtimes during COVID, and how those experiences have shaped attitudes and ideas about eating together ever since. The research shows that what we most often set resolutions around -- nutrition and healthy eating habits -- actually isn't what matters most to us.

What do families want out of their dinners? Relationships, connection, and bonding. Bri and Annie share lots of ideas to help build on those principles, as well as other aspirations individual families might want to pursue. They talk about how to approach the idea of setting an intention or two for your mealtimes this year; how to talk to kids and fellow household adults to get everyone involved in the process; and how to handle a reluctant partner who may not share your goals. They also offer wisdom on what to do with competing priorities, how to get started if you just feel stuck, and how to reframe your thinking around common challenges like picky eating. The episode ends with suggestions for meal planning, theme nights, and some fun activities to help improve your family meals this year.

Like this content? Check out these additional links and related episodes:

• The Family Dinner Project Podcast Episode 5: Labor of Love?
• The Family Dinner Project Podcast Episode 4: Picky or Problematic?
• Dinner and a Movie ideas
• Book-related dinner ideas
• Research Shows Family Dinner Improves Literacy (plus games and conversation starters)
• The Humming Bee Breathing exercise
• The 5,4,3,2,1 Activity
• The Family Dinner Project Podcast Episode 2: Is it the Family, or the Dinner?

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In this episode, Bri and Annie talk about the consequences of the 2024 US Presidential Election on family Thanksgiving and holiday dinner plans. Whether families are planning to spend the day together and try not to talk about politics at all, or are finding themselves in the midst of rupture and canceled plans, there are feelings to sort through and ways to make the day easier for everyone.

Bri and Annie discuss the potential grief of family estrangement; how to keep things polite and positive if there are guests at the table who don't share political views; and strategies for keeping the tension low at a very difficult time. They offer examples to help families plan new and different celebrations if they're not joining the traditional Thanksgiving table this year, and ideas for managing compromise if you're a "small-dose" family or want to see some people, but not others. They talk about navigating hurt feelings, canceled invitations, and setting ground rules for your own celebrations. The episode ends with suggestions for choosing foods this year -- will you go traditional or unique? -- as well as games and conversation resources that could help keep the peace, like Holiday Would You Rather?, The Hat Game, a Thanksgiving Storytelling prompt, and questions about resilience that may resonate this year.

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We talk a lot about the positive aspects of family meals, but in reality, eating dinner together isn't always the safe, warm experience we want it to be. For many people, trauma is an unwelcome guest at the table. To find out why that might be, and how to make dinner feel safer, Bri and Annie talk with therapist, author, and trauma expert Dr. Marti Straus.

Marti begins by explaining that trauma is a response to stressful experiences, not a single event. She distinguishes between what she calls "Big T trauma" and "little t trauma," or a specific very upsetting event (such as a car accident or assault) vs. a series of possibly less noticeable, repeated stressful events over time (such as bullying at school, neglect, often going hungry, etc). Marti stresses that these repeated "little t traumas" can add up to developmental trauma in children, which can then also be compounded by mealtimes where the caregiver who is supposed to provide for the child may be unpredictable, unreliable, or even dangerous.

Marti and Annie both agree, in their roles as therapists, that mealtimes can be especially complex for children with developmental trauma because of the mixed signals -- the conflict between dinner as an inherently nurturing activity, and a parent or caregiver who is not behaving in nurturing ways. The stress of that situation, they say, can follow people into adulthood and make it difficult for parents with their own traumatic histories at dinner to create a safe and welcoming mealtime routine for their own kids. Both share examples and solutions from their own therapy practices with families to help make meals more comfortable and safe for everyone.

Bri also asks Marti for insight into how neurodivergence intersects with trauma at the table. Marti explains that often, the demands of family meals can be harmful or traumatic to a neurodivergent child who is being expected to behave in a more "typical" way. Lack of responsiveness to the child's sensory and behavioral needs can cause developmental trauma. She explains how parents can envision the kind of relationship they want to nurture with their children at the table, and how to co-regulate for more positive meals.

The trio end on recommendations for food, fun, and conversation: Bri suggests a mac and cheese bar to make a familiar comfort food more interesting and varied for the whole family, while Marti offers a quick and easy activity to help transition to the table without anxiety. Annie finishes the episode by encouraging families to talk about what makes us feel comfortable and safe.

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