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The Cost of Being Too Nice

The Cost of Being Too Nice

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 Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,I have a lifelong habit, and it’s sad. I can’t believe I spent my whole life being this way. Not only that, I never even really noticed. I had been so used to being this way I didn’t know how not to be this way.It just faded into the background. I overshare, overgive… It’s the most obvious truth that I was utterly oblivious to.I am currently so upset with my father for turning me into this. When I was a boy, my father only spent time with me if I did what he wanted. He never took a genuine interest in me but for a few fleeting moments. And, being a child, I was so desperate to get his attention that I made up my mind that if I had to get his attention by doing whatever he wanted, then so be it.This is a terrible way to live your life. People pick up on this vibe very quickly. It speaks volumes about what kind of person I was — a mark. There is a certain kind of person who lusts after a person like me. This type of person desperately craves control. They want more than they will ever give.So, I was set up to be exploited in my personal and professional relationships. I married a woman who fully expected me to bend backward for her, yet she felt perfectly justified in never reciprocating that. She didn’t even know where to start. She was so profoundly used to overtaking.Give and give and give and give.It comes out of my pathological need for others’ approval. Precedents are so important. Once I set that precedent — where people knew they could exist in my life for free — they knew I had no expectations from them. That created a lifelong pattern of being in one-sided relationships. SO EXHAUSTING.These days, I watch this particular pattern like a hawk. I’ve refused to add new contacts to my phone until I’ve seen ample proof that someone deserves to be in my life. It’s a simple fail-safe.Last night, I texted this girl I like. I told myself I wouldn’t text her until she initiated the conversation to see proof that she was invested in me, but I couldn’t resist. I only texted her once but decided to delete her number because I couldn’t resist. That way, I could only keep this interaction going if she demonstrated that she wanted to talk to me.I find this particular habit to be so sad yet revealing. It tells me that when I was little, I decided to do anything for some love and attention. The other party could have me at any price. Whatever you want, I’ll give because I have no value whatsoever.Make no mistake — this is an addiction or a compulsion, at the very least.I like to be giving. And, technically, there isn’t anything wrong with that. The only problem is… I discovered that I was projecting my expectations onto other people. Some people don’t feel obligated to reciprocate when they know they can have your time and energy for free.From my point of view, the whole idea is: I’ll be nice to you, and you’ll be nice to me. But some people can’t tell the difference between kindness and weakness. Sometimes, kindness is viewed as a weakness to be exploited.Remember, this is a fact that the offender will never admit it outright. If they’re nefarious enough to exploit your weaknesses, they already know their actions are wrong. You’re preaching science to a creationist. They’re not going to hear you.I’ve been telling myself privately that I’m an expert in psychology. Technically, that’s not true, but I believe it anyway. Because I spent so much time reading psychology books and working with people, I gave myself a world-class education from self-study.First, my business has been my laboratory for almost 15 years. I’ve conducted thousands of Zoom calls, worked with different types of people, and become extremely good at influencing them.It takes influence to convince someone to pay you $10,000. See what I mean? That’s no small feat. I have to empathize with that person deeply. And I have to be a certain kind of professional for them. I am the expert who can make millions from his words.Writing for Tony’s audience of 2 million people also gave me a gigantic dataset against which to test my copywriting skills. I’ve had hundreds, if not thousands, of discovery calls.Understanding human psychology requires real skill but is a prerequisite for inspiring the masses.I think back to all of the psych books I’ve read. Again, definitely hundreds. I gave myself a completely tailored education. Not a single lesson was wasted. That has taken me to Tony’s doorstep.I got to step into Tony’s mind and his shoes because of all the lessons I’ve learned. What you can achieve by staying the course with one craft is incredible — continually improving over time. My voice is mighty. I live the principles of copy. It’s in my bones. In my very DNA. I am the copy.For whatever reason, my career led me to develop a unique skill set. Those skills helped me overcome this lifelong habit, which is incredible—it’s like voodoo.When I...

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