A Response to Hazelisonline from a Populist Who Got Kicked Out of Every Tent but Still Believes in Big Tents

“You just said the Left is morality-pilled. The gorgeous irony is that the Right doesn’t see any of it as moral. To them, it’s degeneracy, chaos, postmodern sin. What you hold up as virtue—they see as vice. And vice-versa. How could one square that circle?”

Hazel—first off, thank you. Your video was honest in the best sense: clear-eyed, funny, self-aware, and braver than most of what’s floating around in the culture war soup. It felt like someone finally said out loud what a lot of people have been whispering to themselves for years.

This isn’t a rebuttal. This isn’t an attack. This is a standing ovation and a few notes from the cheap seats.

I’m not in the house anymore. I got ejected from the Bernie wing, ghosted by the Tulsi crowd, bounced out of the Dore bunker, and politely unfollowed by folks who used to think I was on the team—until I started asking questions that made everyone uncomfortable. Not because I went Right, but because I stayed real. And maybe a little rowdy.

So when you said:

"The Left is morality-pilled. And it’s why we lost the internet."

I didn’t just nod—I clapped.

The Left used to be the home of weirdos, punks, artists, the radically curious. Tumblr threads, Reddit uprisings, Twitter pile-ons with bite—we invented that. The memes, the language, the rhythm of the place—it was ours.

But slowly, then all at once, it got bureaucratic. Then brittle. Then boring.

• Jokes came with disclaimers.

• Memes came with manuals.

• The revolution came with onboarding paperwork.

You said it perfectly: we talk like nerds. We make people feel like they have to pass a quiz to join the conversation. And when they don’t? We don’t explain—we exclude.

Meanwhile, the Right cracked the meme code. They didn’t overthink—they just laughed. They took the leftovers from our culture engine, added testosterone and irony, and built a vibe empire.

You weren’t exaggerating—this isn’t just moralism, it’s anxiety dressed as ethics. Every interaction has to be pristine. Every take must be trauma-informed. We apologize to Marx before we order Uber Eats.

And the kicker? Most people don’t even see that as moral. They see it as weird. Uptight. Controlling. No fun. No joy.

The Left didn’t lose the internet because of Elon. We lost it because we stopped letting people be human.

What you did in that video wasn’t cynical—it was faithful. It was a sign that you still believe this thing can be something beautiful, something powerful. You’re not walking away. You’re walking forward.

When you talked about how the Right forgives its own, how they build media empires while the Left hosts brunches with QR codes and branded hashtags—it wasn’t petty. It was just true.

And hard truth is what movements need most.

When you said this felt bigger than politics? I felt that. It is bigger.

The Right sees the Left as anti-God, anti-family, anti-tradition, anti-everything. The Left sees the Right as theocratic fascists. Both think the other side is trying to end the world.

No one’s debating anymore—we’re exorcising.

And here you are, standing in the middle saying, “Wait, what if we just… chilled out a little and told the truth?” That’s rare. That’s powerful. That’s necessary.

Your video wasn’t a defection. It was a declaration. You’re not saying “burn it down.” You’re saying “this thing could be better—but only if we stop making it a personality test.”

There’s room for you in the big tent. I don’t mean that in a patronizing “we’ll take anyone” way. I mean it like this:

• We need people who can tell the truth and stay kind.

• We need people who can make fun of themselves without losing their fire.

• We need people who still believe in joy, culture, and community—not just ideology.

You’re early. But you’re not alone.

How the Left Lost the Internet (YouTube)

Follow Hazel here: youtube.com/@hazelisonline

I asked NotebookLM to generate a little NPR style Segment about my posts on Substack.

In this sweeping overview, Chris Abraham dives into the key themes explored across 46 Substack entries—spanning American politics, culture, power, belief, and even Barovian necromancy. This episode offers a distilled map of Chris’s evolving thought: from metaphors of cosplay and empire, to the weaponization of empathy and the strange resilience of populism. It’s part debrief, part polemic, and part spiritual reckoning.

Key Themes Covered:

🔮 American Politics as Performance & Dysphoria

• Politics is framed as cosplay, a narrative ritual detached from policy and grounded in performance.

• Trump is not an aberration but a mirror—reflecting national narcissism and imperialism back at itself.

• TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome) is reframed as national dysphoria: discomfort at seeing the true face of American empire.

🎭 Critique of Liberal Activism & the Managerial Class

• "Causeplay": Activism as elite-approved roleplay, curated for social validation rather than systemic change.

• Modern protest culture is likened to "Comic-Con for causes", often sponsored by the very institutions it claims to resist.

• The managerial class, through cultural absolutism, alienates the very working class it claims to champion.

🕵️ Power, Control & Surveillance

• American empire now operates through soft power, data extraction, and ideological colonialism.

• We live in the Age of Wag the God: reality is algorithmically generated and media-filtered.

• Surveillance is open-source: every Pride parade, protest, and selfie feeds predictive analytics.

💣 Selective Empathy & Weaponized Narratives

• Public outrage is selectively deployed. Caged migrant kids spark protests; incarcerated American families don’t.

• Emotional appeals are now "reverse-engineered" weapons—cynically deployed, increasingly ignored.

• We are desensitized. Everything is content. Nothing is sacred.

🧠 Populism & the Real Majority

• MAGA reframed as a "coalition of the disrespected": blue-collar, multiracial, and anti-elitist.

• This isn’t anti-government—it’s pro-our government. Redirect the spending, fix home first.

• Trump’s superpower? Shame doesn't stick. He metabolizes scandal into iconography.

🕯️ Spirituality, Reverence & Reaction

• A critique of materialist liberalism as spiritually tone-deaf and morally exhausted.

• Return to faith—across the spectrum—is a backlash against "dead-eyed irony" and empty virtue.

• Green imperialism is the new missionary work, with carbon guilt as theology.

🚶 Personal Navigation & Philosophy

• On social grace: de-escalation, clarity, and emotional restraint as survival tools.

• Physicality and presence are acknowledged as both asset and liability.

🎖️ Military & Foreign Policy as Theater

• Foreign policy is cast as performance too—rife with betrayal cloaked in virtue.

• Trump’s support for Israel is portrayed as loyalty to action, not bureaucracy.

• The outrage over military parade spending is contextualized as “outrage marketing.”

🧙 Dungeons & Dragons Commentary

• A detour into Curse of Strahd, where the party uncovers undead trees, vampire cults, and morally gray choices.

• Barovia becomes a shadow play echoing the themes above—power, ritual, control, and resistance.

In this raw, unscripted monologue, Chris Abraham takes you on a deep-dive into the potential abuse of century-old anti-terrorism laws. What begins with a Maryland father’s deportation unravels into a sweeping analysis of how bipartisan precedent—intended to curb extremism—could be turned inward, weaponized against migrants, activists, and even everyday citizens with minor associations or distant ties. Chris draws unsettling parallels to McCarthyism, RICO laws, and the expanding use of surveillance and profiling. No script, no filter, just a cold warning: today’s lawfare may become tomorrow’s authoritarian playbook.

• A Salvadoran father in Maryland and the hidden context

• Biden, Trump, and the “two faces of the authoritarian state”

• From anti-Nazi to anti-you: the lifecycle of weaponized precedent

• How gang associations, even historical or familial, can become legal traps

• Red Dawn conspiracy theory meets real-world policy

• The fishing line analogy: let it run, reel it in, lock it down

• Why MAGA and anti-MAGA are two wings of the same hawk

Q: Why does this episode feel different?
A: It’s fully unscripted and intentionally raw. Chris is reacting in real time, with no AI assistance until post-production.

Q: Is this about Trump?
A: Not really. It’s about the mechanisms of State power, regardless of who’s holding the sword.

Q: What law is being “reactivated”?
A: Likely the Alien Enemies Act (1798) or dormant provisions under the Patriot Act—tools that enable detention, deportation, or blacklisting of suspected enemy affiliates.

Q: Is this a pro-MAGA episode?
A: No. Chris critiques both MAGA and mainstream liberalism, suggesting they’re faces of the same authoritarian coin.

💥 RICO – Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act. Used originally against the mafia, later applied to gangs, and now potentially activists.

🧠 Red Dawn Scenario – Reference to the 1984 film where America is invaded by foreign enemies. In this context, it's a metaphor for immigration panic.

📜 Precedent – Legal rulings that become the foundation for future laws. Chris warns these can be exploited when applied broadly.

⚖️ Lawfare – The use of legal systems and principles to achieve political or military objectives.

🧑‍⚖️ McCarthyism – The 1950s practice of targeting individuals as communists based on suspicion or weak associations—used here as a parallel for modern targeting.

🧢 Janus – A Roman god with two faces, representing duality. Chris uses this as a metaphor for the bipartisan nature of the expanding surveillance state.

📸 Panopticon – A concept from surveillance theory: the idea that constant visibility controls behavior. Here, it's linked to mass documentation of protests, looting, etc.

This might be Chris’s last podcast for a while—but not because he’s silenced. He’s got work to do, deadlines to meet, and bots to deploy. But don’t worry—if this is your first taste of the mad rantman, there’s a whole back catalog waiting to punch you in the frontal cortex.

A 10-Minute Monologue on the Populist Shift, Liberal Panic, and the Pirate Ship We Call MAGA

“They didn’t get kicked out. They walked out. And they’re not coming back.”

In this bold, sharp, and unapologetically mansplained monologue, Chris Abraham breaks format and breaks it all down — solo. Inspired by a Facebook conversation with an old journalist friend, Chris delivers a clear-eyed meditation on what the media, the liberal elite, and even his own peers consistently misunderstand about the MAGA phenomenon.

🧠 Topics Covered:

• Why Trump’s approval rating is unshakable — and why that says more about the Left than the Right

• The difference between equality (American) and equity (perceived as punitive)

• The myth of white supremacy in a country of DNA test results and blended families

• Why the authoritarian panic narrative is tired, hollow, and wildly overused

• What happens when workers are replaced with hall monitors

• Why Trump isn't a theocrat — he’s just the only guy who said, “You still belong here”

• Why MAGA isn’t a cult — it’s a reaction

🔥 Most quotable moments:

“You can’t deprogram the willing.”
“Trump gave them permission — not policy, not theology — permission to breathe without apology.”
“They weren’t exiled. They walked.”
“The party of workers became the party of hall monitors.”

💡 Format Twist:
This episode is a fully scripted soliloquy — a ten-minute audio op-ed, delivered straight from Chris’s iPad. No co-pilot, no ChatGPT, no conversational detours. Just one man, one mic, and one truth bomb after another.

🙃 Tone:
Funny, skeptical, occasionally self-deprecating (“yes, I’m a 55-year-old cis white man explaining things — deal with it”), and relentlessly committed to nuance in a world that runs on tribal scripts.

🎯 Listen if you like:

• Cultural critiques that don’t wear team jerseys

• Barstool realism mixed with Emersonian reflection

• Equal-opportunity eyerolls

• Political commentary that dares to say: “Maybe people aren’t broken — maybe they’re just fed up”

🗣️ Final Thought:
This isn't a podcast episode — it's a cultural intervention. Short. Sharp. Spicy. And begging to be argued with.

👇 Leave a comment, share with a friend, or scream into the digital void. But whatever you do: don’t assume the people who left are coming back.

❓ FAQ

Q: What’s “You Can’t Deprogram the Willing” about?
A: It’s about the cultural rupture between working-class populists and elite progressives — and why MAGA voters didn’t get tricked, they got tired.

Q: Is this a defense of Trump?
A: No. It’s a critique of the smugness that summoned him — and the systems that sustain him.

Q: What would actually cost Trump his base?
A: Not scandal. Not corruption. Not coups. But embracing equity over equality — because the former feels like punishment, not progress.

Q: Why is it a monologue?
A: Because sometimes a message needs clarity — not banter.

MAGAcrat – Chris’s term for the modern populist-right voter: born from the disillusioned, scolded, culturally displaced. Part Bernie Bro, part Teamster, all-in on sovereignty.

Equity vs. Equality – Equality is “same rules, same rights.” Equity is “different outcomes, based on past injustice.” One unifies, the other polarizes — depending on your worldview.

Champagne Room Democrats – A metaphor for elite progressives perceived as insulated, institutional, and increasingly out of touch.

Pirate Ship Politics – The MAGA tent: messy, wild, inclusive in its own anarchic way. No pronoun checks. No purity tests. Just beer, flags, and "leave me alone" vibes.

Irish Suicide – Chris’s phrase for political self-estrangement: ghosting your own tribe because the new rules don’t fit anymore.

Dedicated to Michael DelGiorno — morning radio oracle, culture war whisperer, and the guy who made Chris hit record, via Your Morning Show With Michael DelGiorno

This episode was born out of a single spark: Michael DelGiorno’s phrase, “majors as minors and minors as majors.” It hit Chris like a lightning bolt from a morning show in Arlington. What followed is a whirlwind of class politics, party realignment, cultural critique, and affectionate contempt for modern tribalism.

🧠 Topics include:

• Coast to Coast AM as a sleep aid and spiritual anchor

• MAGA as MGTOW: a populist movement that said “no thanks” to both parties

• Tulsi Gabbard’s exile and the fate of populist leftists

• “Irish Suicide” as metaphor: how reputations die quietly

• Hawaiian mahu identity vs. performative rainbow capitalism

• AOC and Trump as populist twins with opposing aesthetics

• Democrats in the “VIP Champagne Room,” while the pirate ship throws a cookout

• The 80/20 Rule and why the Left keeps flunking it

• Platypuses, metaphorical and otherwise

🎭 Also:

• A head-shaving ritual in honor of a bald friend (not a joke)

• Al Franken, Norm Ornstein, and how the left lost the plot

• Chris’s most brutally self-deprecating outro to date

🎧 Listen if you like:

• Culture war deep dives with zero safe spaces

• Satirical sincerity and longform political weirdness

• Unfiltered Gen X takes from a 55-year-old cis white dude who still rows metaphorically (and used to row literally)

🪶 Why the platypus?
Because like this podcast, it shouldn’t exist—but it waddles on anyway.

Q: What’s “The Platypus Predicament” about?
A: Realignment, rejection, and the moment when Democrats lost the room and MAGA set up a beer tent.

Q: Who’s Michael DelGiorno?
A: A conservative talk radio host whose phrase “majors as minors” blew Chris’s brain open at 6AM and inspired this entire episode.

Q: Is this a pro-MAGA podcast? Anti-Democrat? Libertarian rant fest?
A: Nope. It’s anti-dogma and pro-nuance. If you need a team jersey, prepare to be disappointed.

Q: Are you joking or serious?
A: Both. It’s McLuhan meets late-night diner booth.

Majors as Minors – DelGiorno’s concept: when parties focus on fringe causes while ignoring foundational concerns.

MGTOW – “Men Going Their Own Way,” reframed here as MAGA movements rejecting both neolib elitism and neocon warmongering.

Tulsi Gabbard – Populist ex-Democrat and veteran who didn’t pass the modern Left’s purity tests.

Mahu – Hawaiian third-gender identity. Accepted, normalized, and never politicized the way it has been in the mainland culture wars.

Dixiecrat – Old Southern Democrats who opposed civil rights and clung to tradition. Important to this episode because…

MAGAcrat – Chris’s term for the new populist-right voter: born when homophobic and transphobic Dixiecrats woke up in a gay disco and realized the Democratic Party had moved on. Think part Bernie Bro, part Teamster, all-in on sovereignty, liberty, and “leave me the hell alone” populism.

Irish Suicide – A metaphor Chris coined to describe political reputation self-destruction without drama—like ghosting your own tribe.

80/20 Rule – Political prioritization theory: 80% of real-world resonance comes from 20% of issues. Ignore it at your peril.

VIP Champagne Room Democrats – Symbol for an elite, urban, college-educated wing of the Left that no longer speaks the language of blue-collar populists.

Big Rocks Politics – The stuff that actually moves voters: jobs, security, freedom, sovereignty, and dignity.

🎤 This episode is dedicated to Michael DelGiorno. For the spark. For the language. For making the invisible obvious and the obvious undeniable.

“If you're the one that always gets fed in the nest, you become a bird of paradise. If you’re the runt, you get yeeted.”— Chris Abraham, philosopher of the podcast forest

In this unhinged odyssey of a podcast episode, Chris Abraham and co-host Snarky Eunice hatch a conversation that begins with a metaphor about social movements needing applause (Tinkerbell-style), expands into a sharp analysis of the professional clap economy, swerves into conspiracy-adjacent government funding structures, flies through political infighting, lands briefly in the terrain of eco-hypocrisy, and ultimately ends with a heartfelt elegy to a life lived behind the lens.

You wanted rails? Too bad. They were dismantled, repurposed for sculpture, and auctioned off to raise funds for a prepper community art collective in Utah.

Picking up from S9E4 ("Tinkerbell Tactics"), Chris critiques the performative support required to sustain social movements. He argues:

• Identity and justice-based initiatives often require external belief and funding to survive, much like clapping keeps Tinkerbell alive.

• These movements increasingly rely on taxpayer funding, federal grants, and NGO scaffolding—forming a “trust fund for the ideologically vulnerable.”

Chris introduces the concept of the "clap factory"—a mechanism by which governments and affiliated nonprofits financially insulate certain causes from public opinion. Why rely on fickle donors when you can be a line item in the Department of Diversity?

💥 This, he argues, has a breaking point—especially when 80% of voters start feeling vilified by the 20% who have institutional power.

• Chris warns: Mocking the majority may lead to political revenge.

• If conservatives retake power (cue Trump + SCOTUS + “Doge” office), these funding structures will be rapidly torn out “with extreme prejudice.”

• Consequences? People lose meds. Trans folks lose HRT. HIV-positive folks lose access to PrEP. And the "clap trust" collapses.

Chris zooms out:

• The struggle for social capital is like a nest of squawking baby birds.

• Everyone wants attention: LGBTQ+ rights, BLM, Climate Change, Palestine, Ukraine, anti-Trumpers, anti-Elonists.

• It's no longer just about identity politics—it’s about cause Darwinism. Resources go to the loudest, most fashionable chick.

📉 NGOs that once lived off small donations now rely on corporate sponsorship and federal grants, turning charity into PR and tax sheltering.

In a parallel universe—or maybe not—Chris imagines:

• A post-election Trump has launched “DOGE” (a made-up agency with real vibes), slashing federal funding for NGOs, universities, media, and charities deemed “subversive.”

• A MAGA-led "purge" identifies saboteurs via COVID vaccine mandates, social media activity, and DEI sympathies.

🧠 Projection, meet Retaliation: If the left sees fascists, the right sees insurgents. And vice versa.

Chris and Eunice unpack distrust of:

• Mainstream media, which is now seen (by many) as “activist”, not neutral.

• Reporters afraid to speak honestly about Biden’s mental state, for fear of “helping Trump.”

• A media system that claims neutrality but preaches ideology—while everyone lives in a Panopticon of receipts, screen caps, and honeypots.

Chris goes full Jason Bourne meets Red Scare:

• People are being honeytrapped and recorded by influencers or "hot spies" into revealing politically damning truths.

• Media figures from Louder with Crowder to InfoWars are weaponizing content, revealing how insiders follow orders from “the White House” or you guessed it — George Soros.

• We’re in a “golden age of receipts,” where your podcast overshare is tomorrow’s cancellation.

Chris, channeling his ex-Lieutenant Colonel buddy, argues:

• The government now sees Catholic Charities, Human Rights orgs, spy agencies, media, and lobbyists as "activated cells."

• Referencing the World Economic Forum and Agenda 2030, he claims Project 2025 is the right’s answer to globalist agendas.

• MAGA = “The Mujahedin of America.”

Yes, that was actually said.

This episode takes its name from the infamous scene in Peter Pan where Tinkerbell’s survival depends entirely on the audience’s applause. Here, Chris and Ununice unpack “Tinkerbell Politics” — a metaphor for the existential dependency of marginalized movements on the belief, goodwill, and clapping of the majority. It’s spicy, slippery, and sacrilegious — in the best possible way.

Chris Abraham and co-host Ununice (aka Karen, Co-Pilot, Baby Doll, Sweet Pea) jump headfirst into the deep end with “Tinkerbell Tactics” — an unsparing critique of modern identity politics, performative wokeness, and the fragile alliances between marginalized movements and mainstream society. From Beltway insights to Les Misérables anthems, this one ricochets from high theory to hot takes with unapologetic energy.

• If you don’t clap, she dies. Tinkerbell becomes a stand-in for social justice causes that rely on mainstream applause — votes, funding, and attention.

• The 70% cis-het normie majority are seen as necessary but resented lifelines: “Bite the hand that feeds you” becomes not just a phrase, but a pattern.

• Chris compares Beltway NGO competition to baby birds in a nest — vying for “mommy’s” attention (i.e., federal funds, public support).

• Movements like BLM, Trans Rights, and DEI initiatives are framed as “TV shows” subject to cancellation when interest wanes.

• “Let them rebel — they’ll burn out.” Mainstream culture, like a bored parent, knows it can wait out revolutions.

• Unconventional fashion and identity expressions (tattoos, blue hair, emo, etc.) once shocking, now banal. What was once rebellion becomes Target merch.

• Exposure therapy works, but doesn’t guarantee respect. The freak next door is tolerated — not necessarily valued.

• Aesthetic rebellion leads to “tattoo regret centers.” Social rebellion follows similar cycles.

• Alienating the majority by labeling them “fascist,” “transphobe,” etc. leads to backlash.

• The desacralization of protected groups — when holy cows become hamburger.

• The irony of using federal grants to label your funders Nazis.

• Right-wing strategists reframing wokeness as “theft” from taxpayers — and rolling back DEI budgets state by state.

• “Never burn a bridge.” DC wisdom comes in hot as Chris warns that dependency requires diplomacy.

• Identity movements should balance autonomy with realism about funding and social capital.

• Even progressive institutions are vulnerable to the same critical tools they use.

• Everything can become a target — even the church, even pride parades, even the flag — when the cultural pendulum swings.

• Chris argues the Les Mis anthem can be used by any insurgent group — socialist or nationalist — because the narrative of “freedom vs oppression” is elastic.

• Jean Valjean as Trump? A stretch or just postmodern poetry?

• Ununice dials the tone from earnest to acerbic midway through. Satire, cringe, riz (charisma), and “Criz” (a proposed Gen Z term) all make appearances.

“If you don’t clap for Tinkerbell, Tinkerbell dies, right?”
“The paradox of f*** you normies — but also, please clap so I can keep breathing.”
“Tattoo regret centers are the canaries in the co-opted identity coal mine.”
“You can’t ask people for money while calling them fascists.”
“Every one of those Les Mis lyrics could be sung by the AFD in Germany.”
“Jean Valjean is just Trump with more abs.”
“Deconstruction is indiscriminate — even your saints are fair game.”

• Tinkerbell Politics: The idea that marginalized movements often rely on the belief, attention, and funding of the mainstream majority.

• Federal Funding Firewalls: Budget line items immune to election cycles — until they're not.

Q: Is this episode satirical or serious?A: Both. Think South Park meets Jacques Derrida — with better microphones.

Q: Is “Tinkerbell Tactics” just about queer politics?A: Nope. It’s about all movements that rely on external applause — and what happens when the crowd stops clapping.