After journeying from dimension to dimension and multiverse to multiverse, The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee was getting lonely. He wanted someone or something to share his life with.

Actually, to be perfectly candid, The battery Operated Magic Toupee wanted to get laid hence it landed onPlookit Four: one of the best planets in the multiverse where one can easily log in to a website and immediately be matched up with either the perfect companion to spend one's life or just have a quickie.

After entering its information under sex and gender (“?” and “??”), The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee went through the extensive questionnaire.

It answered the question, “What is your plan for a romantic evening with a date?”

The horny toupee replied, “ I would take my date to the waste pipes, at the lower end of the sewerage pond, where the dead fish accumulate. I would set up a table of crates and my lover and I would enjoy a colourful buffet of raw diseased fish carcasses and extra stinky rodent halibut. And at the end of a romantic evening – we would wash off any unusual barnacles and crustaceans and then go to the doctor and be examined for STDs (Stinky Terrible Diarrhoea).”

As BOMT gets it off with its date – tune into this latest Battery Operated Magic Toupee – the Podcast and try to forget what the Battery Operated Magic Toupee is doing on its date and erase that image from your mind.

The Battery Operated Magic Toupee landed in the planet U-I-whatever.

U-I-whatever is the planet of social media. It isn't the case that person-to-person interactions are just looked down… they are forbidden. A live conversation, in person, with another being is considered, in the words of the planet’s greatest intellect, “Eeeech… how fucking cringeworthy.”

After an eight-hour live feed of sleep, including instances of unconscious mutterings and the occasional sleep farts, a typical day on U-I- begins with citizens waking up from their slumber and graciously say “thank you to all you wonderful people, I hope you enjoyed watching me sleep.”

Ironically, or just due to poor social planning, no-one ever watches any of the 8 billion podcasts since every person is pooping out their own show 29/8 (there are 29 hours a day and 8 days a week on this planet – which makes life even more torturous),]

The Battery Operated Magic Toupee just sat and watched it’s favourite channel, “The Doris Finklestein Having Her Evening Bowel Movement Podcast.”

And now lets hear The Battery Operated Magic Toupee – the Podcast… while not as good as or on the same intellectyal level as we get to hear something, not as good as The Doris Finklestein Having Her Evening Bowel Movement Podcast”... it’s the only one we have.

The battery-operated magic toupee landed on the most egocentric planet in the galaxy. ME is a world of PURE self-indulgence and the only planet in the cosmos that demands, under penalty of cancellation, that its name, ME, is always written in capital letters and in bold and underlined.

As soon as The Battery Operated Magic Toupee landed on ME launched it’s one battery-operated magic toupee show… which is similar to a one man show but with a battery operated magic toupee instead.

The one Battery Operated Magic Toupee show, entitled “I Toupee” was part one of a five part trilogy. So far no-one on Planet ME or elsewhere has been able to make it to the end of this pretentious vanity snoozefest.

In reviewing the theatrical ‘what-ever-the-fuck-it-is’, Ken Blench, critic for the ‘Egocentric Times’, wrote “… This review is in honour of the ten other critics who did not survive the first painful, agonizing, brain-damaging 15 minutes of this theatrical thing and ceremoniously committed suicide by taking their earplugs out and forcing themselves to listen to the battery-operated magic toupee's second soliloquy, which began, “Oh toupee, oh toupee, battery, battery, oh woe, woe is me, in my splendouristic multidimensional awesomeness.”

And as our favourite Battery Operated Magic Toupee poses naked in a mirror and admires itself – we play the latest episode of the podcast.