In this honest and heartfelt episode of The Art of We, Krista and Will unpack the mindset shift that’s helping them meet uncertainty and stress with strength. Instead of reacting from “life is in the way,” they explore how choosing a “this is on the way” perspective changes everything, especially in partnership. From grief to bypassing to finding meaning, they share real tools and reflections for returning to a higher set point, together.

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

(00:00) Intro and relational check-in: chaos, uncertainty, & weird coping rituals

(03:35) Life update for our listeners

(05:55) How to stay aligned during life intensity

(06:42) From “in the way” to “on the way”

(08:04) Suffering & the narratives we choose

(09:15) Complaining & bypassing

(11:28) Emotional honesty & recommitting

(13:37) Respecting real grief & hardship

(14:45) Viktor Frankl, responsibility, & reclaiming narrative power

(16:07) What matters most in partnership

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from you!

Resources Mentioned:

● Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements

● Viktor Frankl Book

Get in Touch:

● The Art Of We Website

● TheArt of We Instagram

● Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts:

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.

In this episode of The Art of We, Krista is joined by longtime friend and renowned relationship coach Shana James for a candid, heartfelt conversation about cultivating deeper intimacy in partnership. From redefining what sex actually means to designing date nights that create more presence, pleasure, and connection — we talk about insights and tools that might just shift how you think about intimacy, sex, and what’s possible in your relationship. This episode is full of heart-opening perspectives on what it really means to be intimate with another human being.

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

(02:13) Welcome Shana James

(04:13) Impact of growing up without emotional intimacy

(06:42) The question that changed Shana’s client’s relationship

(07:02) What is intimacy, really?

(09:57) Shana’s 7-date night ritual

(12:15) Creating turn-on by removing pressure

(14:07) Practicing presence and attunement in intimacy

(17:46) Prioritizing intention for opening more possibility

(20:00) Perimenopause, stress, and shifting desire

(26:53) Breaking inherited relational patterns

(32:36) When your partner shuts down or isn’t growth-minded

(35:36) Calling your partner into their greatness

(43:33) Redefining sex

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from you!

Resources Mentioned:

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements
• Shana James’ Honest Sex Book
• Shana James Quiz

Get in Touch:

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts:

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.

When conflict arises in a relationship, do you retreat, explode, or sweep it under the rug? We unpack one of our foundational relationship agreements: to Repair Abundantly. We explore how the ability to fully and lovingly repair after conflict is the difference between surviving and thriving—and how the right kind of repair doesn’t just restore connection, it deepens it. We share personal stories, listener questions, and the real-life impact of doing this work together, especially when triggers come up again (and again).

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

(00:00) Why this is one of our most essential agreements

(01:40) What repair means to us (and how it’s different than just “making up”)

(03:30) Attachment theory and the 3 phases

(05:28) How repair can leave you more connected than before the conflict

(07:22) What happens when repair isn’t mutual or complete

(10:38) “What if I’m always the one to initiate repair?”

(13:02) Attachment dynamics in conflict

(15:10) Why shared purpose in your relationship is essential

(17:26) “What if the same trigger keeps coming up?”

(19:44) When to seek deeper therapy or examine incomplete repairs

(21:10) A call to mutual growth, grace, and staying in the conversation

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned:

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements
• Getting To Zero by Jayson Gaddis

Get in Touch:

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts:

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.

What if one agreement could shift how you move through perceived limitations, everyday stuckness, and painful patterns in your relationship? Krista and Will dive into their relationship agreement, “To Always Find Possibility.” Whether it's health issues, career crossroads, or relational tension, this simple yet powerful commitment has helped them stay connected, creative, and forward-moving—even when things seem hopeless. Tune in for real-life examples, practical insights, and an invitation to transform how you face challenges with your partner.

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

(00:00) The origin of the agreement

(02:30) What “always find possibility” means

(05:45) Why this agreement applies to every area of life

(08:50) Real-life example: Krista’s health scare

(12:20) Bypassing or real possibility?

(14:45) When one partner can't see the way through

(17:40) How this agreement affects parenting, career, and decisions

(20:55) Why this isn’t just toxic positivity

(23:45) What to do if your partner doesn’t think this way

(27:00) How agreements like this turn into anchoring tools during crisis

(30:00) Addressing polarization

(32:15) The power of staying in the conversation

(34:00) An invitation for listeners

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned:

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements

Get in Touch:

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts:

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.

About the Episode:

Addressing passive-aggressive comments like a ninja is highly satisfying. It can stop the aggressor in their shoes and wake them up to the impact they’re having. Most passive-aggressive comments are simply unskilled communications of negative feelings. By directly and neutrally addressing passive aggressiveness, we can support each other to grow as human beings.

In episode 121 of the Art of We podcast, we get into the nuanced terrain of passive aggressiveness in both personal and professional relationships. Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer discuss its subtle nature and how it can operate under a veneer of politeness, making it challenging to detect and address. They dive into the psychological underpinnings of why individuals resort to such behavior, highlighting the cultural lack of effective tools for expressing negative feelings directly.

The hosts share practical strategies, share personal anecdotes, and role-play scenarios to illustrate how to respond to passive aggression in a way that fosters understanding and growth rather than perpetuating a cycle of negativity. They advocate for an approach that involves acknowledging the impact of such comments, expressing one's feelings without aggression, and seeking to understand the underlying needs of the other person.

A must listen for:

• Individuals in leadership positions who deal with other humans :)
• Partners who have a hard time communicating their needs and wants skillfully
• People who have a family or community that has a habit of passive-aggressive behavior
• Anyone who loves to grow!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or on your favorite podcast platform.

Resources Mentioned:

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements
• Psychology Today

Get in Touch:

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts:

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate it with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

What if the parts of us we feel most ashamed of—our tender, young, vulnerable selves—were actually the doorway to greater sovereignty and connection in our partnerships? In this deeply personal episode, we share a very real moment from our recent IFS (Internal Family Systems) retreat with Richard Schwartz, where an old, exiled part of me got triggered in a big way. But instead of spiraling into conflict or disconnection, we used our agreements and IFS tools to move through it—together. If you’ve ever struggled with feeling unseen, insignificant, or overly sensitive in your relationship, this episode is for you.

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

(00:00) Fairness in holding space

(01:14) Setting the stage: Krista’s trigger

(03:41) A pattern re-emerges: Feeling invisible

(07:47) A call for support

(11:04) Stepping into an IFS process together

(12:27) Krista’s breakthrough: Meeting a 3-year-old exiled part

(15:40) From shame to shared understanding

(17:34) Witnessing the root together

(20:08) Why this moment changed the trigger

(20:45) Turning triggers into healing: The power of a supportive partner

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned:

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements
• Internal Family Systems with Richard Schwartz

Get in Touch:

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts:

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.

Ever feel like your emotions take over during conflict? What if there was an easier way to navigate tough conversations? In this episode, we dive into Internal Family Systems (IFS)—a powerful approach to understanding the different "parts" of ourselves and how they show up in relationships. We share how this model has transformed our ability to work through triggers, deepen our connection, and show up for each other's growth in a way that fosters security and desire.

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

(00:00) – The power of how we phrase emotions

(00:38) – Exploring Internal Family Systems (IFS)

(01:20) – How we use IFS in our partnership and why

(03:38) – What are “parts” in IFS?

(06:27) – Uncovering the hidden parts of ourselves

(07:10) – The hero, the critic, and the scared child

(08:14) – How trauma shapes our inner system and leads to self-sabotage

(10:20) – Why IFS is a game-changer for couples

(12:06) – How IFS prevents CO-dependency and strengthens the “we”

(14:45) – The importance of shared language in partnerships

(15:50) – Conflict repair: Naming our parts de-personalizes triggers

(17:07) – How IFS turned a potential rupture into connection

(19:04) – Holding each other's parts together vs. rejecting them

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned:

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements
• Internal Family Systems with Richard Schwartz
• No Bad Parts Book
• Inside Out Movie

Get in Touch:

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts:

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.

Does absence REALLY make the heart grow fonder? In this episode, we explore the role of separateness in fueling desire in long-term relationships and uncover the deeper factors that truly spark passion in a thriving partnership. Plus, we share a personal story about how the movie The Substance nearly led to a major rupture between us—but ultimately revealed profound insights about what really creates and sustains desire in our relationship.

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

(00:00) Welcome!

(00:35) Listener question: Does separateness fuel desire in long-term relationships?

(01:40) What actually happens in our experience of being apart?

(02:53) The science of why we automate our partners

(03:57) How our brains conserve energy and why it affects attraction

(05:40) Time apart doesn’t always create desire

(06:44) The hidden gifts of separateness

(07:42) The danger of relying on separateness for passion

(08:25) A surprising relationship challenge

(09:59) Power dynamics, objectification, and emotional triggers in media

(11:22) What actually fuels our desires

(14:30) Why deep emotional work can create attraction & intimacy

(15:52) The key question: What actually fuels your desire in partnership?

(16:30) Turning real connection into lasting attraction

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned:

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements

Get in Touch:

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts:

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.