Yes, you’ve missed us terribly, but we’ve returned from our long journey to discuss newer journeys. Barbie is taking on 75 Hard and Kenny is trying to get into a writers room. Before we become too ambitious, let’s get cozy and talk life’s simpler pleasures: puzzles, a good book, and scoping out live shows for the hottest men.

Barbie’s sister-in-law is in town and we are all coping from this past week in America through psychobabble. If you can decipher our dueling Mickey Mouse and Donatella Versace impressions, confirm who pronounces Barry Keoghan’s last name correctly, AND stay seated for a Ted Talk on corporate realism in Hollywood (all while having some crunchy audio scrambling your neurons…) we truly salute you. And we scrape up some coherence towards the end to reward you with a front-row seat to our three-way deadlock on who we think deserves the 2025 Grammy for album of the year. It’s a bloodbath.

We hit some high notes this week singing praises for Chappell Roan on SNL and Sean Baker’s ‘Anora.’ But we’re still workshopping the harmonies on our cover album of classic Christmas songs and filthy drag showtunes, so don’t go too hard on us.

The girls are fighting! Ari vs Elvira, Chappell Roan & Tom Holland vs the paparazzi, and us vs the makers of Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. And with (gay) Halloween and the election just days away we don’t know what has us more spooked, but either way, pass the candy corn.

A quirky Drew Barrymore and a well-armed Angelina Jolie walk into a flea market… what’re they leaving with? When did the Victoria’s Secret angels get their wings clipped and trade them in for the pedestrian leggings? And is there a correct response when a man you’ve just sexted gives you… feedback? If our answers this week don’t have you raising your oatmeal-brows, we hope you’ll raise a putrid pickley cocktail with us as we chug along through another Plus One.

Buckle up (and honk if you’re Italian) because we’re switching gears this week. This (plus) one is for all the ladies out there. We’re talkin’ Kamala Harris on Call Her Daddy. Gaga’s speculative retirement and legacy tour. The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City’s newfound chokehold on Kenny. And stick around for the Garfield quote that gets us dissecting what love ~truly~ is <3

This week our dating expectations have been heavily skewed by a binge-worthy rabbi rom-com and the overt sexual tension between Nicole Kidman and her tall glass of milk, Harris Dickinson. But when brought back to reality we are left to dissect each other’s questionable attractions to clowns and Sydney Sweeney’s brand partnerships.

We’re back, it’s Fall, and consider the door to the spiritual realm REOPENED. While we’re at it we might as well open up about Barbie’s sick twisted horror-edging kink and maybe the recent funnnnn Kenny has been having with his bodyyyyy mmmmm?

Just keep an open mind, because later we reveal the hottest grocery store outfit accessory of the season and whether or not we think Moo Deng and Fiona are open to working it out on the remix. Cheers, boo 👻