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What happens when someone you love starts seeing people who aren't there? For dementia caregivers, this moment can be jarring, confusing, and even frightening. But as I discovered during my mother's journey with dementia, these hallucinations can sometimes bring unexpected comfort.

When my mom first began seeing a little girl with red hair, I recognized she was connecting with her cousin who had died at age 11. Later, she spoke with her brother who had passed just a year before—someone we deliberately never told her had died to spare her from repeatedly experiencing that grief. Rather than correcting her, I asked questions and joined her reality. "What are they saying?" I'd ask, or "Isn't it nice they came to visit?" This approach preserved her dignity and the comfort these connections brought her.

Before assuming hallucinations are simply symptoms of advancing dementia, caregivers should consult healthcare providers to rule out urinary tract infections, medication side effects, or other physical causes. Once medical issues are addressed, the key challenge becomes how to respond compassionately. Rather than arguing about what's "real," successful approaches include validating feelings, offering reassurance, redirecting attention if needed, and making environmental modifications like improving lighting or covering mirrors that might trigger confusing reflections.

For many with dementia, seeing departed loved ones isn't frightening—it's comforting. My mother found peace in these connections, and that brought me peace too. By entering her world rather than demanding she enter mine, we created moments of genuine connection despite the progression of her illness. Perhaps the greatest lesson dementia teaches us is to be present in the moment, just as our loved ones are forced to be. Years later, I'm grateful for the times I set aside my need to correct and simply joined my mother where she was.

If you're navigating this complex journey of caregiving, know you're not alone. Sometimes the most profound gift we can give is simply meeting our loved ones in their reality, whatever that might be today.

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The emotional toll of caring for a loved one with dementia can be overwhelming, but finding moments of joy, laughter, and connection might just save your sanity. Author Brenda Prater-Sellers joins us to share her deeply personal journey of caring for her mother through ten years of dementia - a challenge she describes as more difficult than climbing Mount Everest or jumping from planes.

With disarming honesty and warmth, Brenda reveals how her "sweet, timid Christian mother" underwent dramatic personality changes, and the strategies that helped her navigate this challenging terrain. Rather than constantly correcting her mother (which often led to agitation), Brenda learned to enter her mother's reality, discovering five specific approaches that brought comfort: scenic drives, ice cream treats, story reading, classic TV shows, and receiving mail.

The conversation takes a practical turn as Brenda shares crucial time management strategies that allowed her to balance caregiving with running multiple businesses and maintaining her own mental health. "If you don't schedule time for yourself, your day is going to be gone before you know it," she advises fellow caregivers. Her ingenious approach of asking her mother for help with simple tasks rather than telling her what to do resonates with caregiving experts everywhere.

Perhaps most powerfully, Brenda discusses choosing laughter over tears when facing difficult behaviors. "I just had to laugh. Otherwise, you're so sad that this happened." This philosophy not only preserved her wellbeing but created unexpected moments of connection with her mother.

Brenda's experiences formed the foundation of her book "You Slept When? Calamities of a Clumsy Businesswoman," which has raised over $50,000 for Alzheimer's Tennessee and other nonprofits. Whether you're currently caring for someone with dementia or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers both practical strategies and emotional comfort for the journey ahead.

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Grief doesn't wait for goodbye. It weaves through every moment of the dementia caregiving journey, creating a complex emotional landscape that few discuss openly.

When your loved one sits across from you—looking the same but fundamentally changed—you experience what experts call "anticipatory grief." You mourn what's already lost while simultaneously dreading future losses. The shopping trips you can no longer take together. The recipes they once taught you but now cannot remember. The phone calls that might someday stop coming.

This episode explores the profound reality that dementia creates two different people: who they were before diagnosis and who they are now. We delve into the heartbreaking contradiction of seeing someone physically present yet cognitively altered, and how caregivers must navigate this strange in-between space. The conversation touches on role reversal, dignity preservation, and finding moments to acknowledge your grief even while actively caregiving.

Whether you're currently caring for someone with dementia or supporting someone who is, this candid discussion offers validation and gentle guidance. The emotional weight of watching someone you love gradually change is immense, yet understanding that grief accompanies every stage of caregiving can help you be kinder to yourself throughout the journey.

Grab your beverage of choice—coffee, tea, or perhaps wine on the difficult days—and join us at Patty's Place, where difficult conversations happen with compassion and no one needs to face these challenges alone. Share your own experiences with anticipatory grief or connect with others walking a similar path by reaching out through our website or social media channels.

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The staggering truth hits like a punch to the gut: 7.2 million Americans are currently living with Alzheimer's, and that number could nearly double to 13.8 million by 2060. As the seventh leading cause of death in the United States, dementia's impact reaches far beyond those diagnosed – it transforms families and tests the limits of our healthcare system.

Our guests, Dr. Tim Walden from the University of St. Francis and Dr. Travis Staub from Rush University Medical Center, bring clarity to this complex topic by explaining that dementia isn't just one condition but an umbrella covering various disorders affecting cognition. While Alzheimer's may be the most recognized, vascular dementia, Lewy body disease, and frontotemporal dementia each present unique challenges requiring different approaches.

The financial burden is almost incomprehensible – nearly 12 million family members provide 19 billion hours of unpaid care annually, valued at over $413 billion. Monthly care costs range from $4,000 to over $8,000, creating immense strain on families already struggling with the emotional devastation of watching someone they love slowly slip away.

Yet amidst these sobering statistics, our experts offer powerful hope through prevention strategies backed by research. Exercise emerges as perhaps the most effective intervention, with a clear relationship between fitness levels and reduced dementia risk. The MIND Diet developed at Rush University Medical Center provides a nutritional roadmap specifically designed for brain health. Social connections, continued learning, and regular medical check-ups all contribute to building what researchers call "cognitive reserve" – the brain's resilience against decline.

For those already on the caregiving journey, our guests offer this profound wisdom: though the person may seem gone, they're still there. The challenge lies in continuing to see and honor the individual beyond the disease. Whether you're concerned about your own brain health, supporting a loved one, or simply want to understand this growing health crisis, this episode provides essential insights that could change how you think about aging and memory.

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Ever feel like you're drowning in caregiving responsibilities while your own needs fade silently into the background? In this raw, honest exploration of caregiver burnout, we dive deep into the often-overlooked world of self-care during life's most challenging chapters.

Caregiving demands everything from us—our time, energy, patience, and heart. When caring for someone with dementia or navigating the complex landscape of grief, we excel at fighting for others while forgetting to advocate for ourselves. The result? A dangerous pattern of self-neglect disguised as strength or duty.

This episode unpacks practical, accessible ways to incorporate genuine self-care into even the most demanding caregiving schedules. From simple emotional release strategies (screaming into pillows, aggressive baking, or coloring apps) to establishing vital boundaries with well-meaning friends, we explore how small moments of self-compassion can prevent caregiver collapse. The truth is refreshingly simple: if you become sick or burned out, you can't effectively care for your loved one.

Beyond practical tips, we tackle the deeper challenges of caregiver self-compassion—the comparison trap, the difficulty accepting help, and the powerful realization that just because you're "up, dressed, and at work" doesn't mean you're okay. Learn why telling someone they're "so strong" rarely helps and why validating the genuine difficulty of their situation often provides more comfort than solutions.

Whether you're deep in the caregiving trenches or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers perspective-shifting insights that honor both the caregiver and the cared-for. Remember: taking care of yourself isn't selfish—it's essential to sustainable caregiving.

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I would love to hear from you. Send me questions or comments.

Support the show

I would love to hear from you. Send me questions or comments.

Support the show

I would love to hear from you. Send me questions or comments.

Communicating with someone who has dementia requires entering their reality rather than expecting them to function in ours. Understanding that their brain is physically changing helps us respond with compassion instead of frustration.

• People with dementia aren't being difficult or stubborn on purpose—their brain function is deteriorating
• The person looks the same but their cognitive abilities have significantly changed
• Short-term memory loss means they genuinely don't remember instructions or conversations from minutes earlier
• "Agree, don't argue" is a fundamental principle in dementia communication
• It's okay to use calming stories rather than correcting misperceptions
• People with dementia only exist in the present moment—they don't recall the past or anticipate the future
• Redirection and reassurance are more effective than arguments about reality
• The goal should be providing peace and safety in what has become a frightening world for them
• Entering their world allows for meaningful connection despite cognitive decline
• The Alzheimer's Association website offers valuable resources for dementia communication

I would love to hear from you. Please send me an email through the website with your questions or topics you'd like me to address in future episodes.

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