『Normalize therapy.』のカバーアート

Normalize therapy.

Normalize therapy.

著者： Caleb & Verlynda Simonyi-Gindele
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 Formerly: The Marriage Podcast for Smart PeopleCaleb & Verlynda Simonyi-Gindele, 2025. For personal self-help use only. 人間関係 個人的成功 心理学 心理学・心の健康 社会科学 自己啓発 衛生・健康的な生活
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  • Infidelity vs. Sex Addiction: Healing from Betrayal

    Infidelity vs. Sex Addiction: Healing from Betrayal
    2025/06/23
    Infidelity vs. Sex Addiction: Navigating Betrayal and Paths to Healing When betrayal hits, the pain runs deep. It's an experience that shatters trust and leaves individuals grappling with intense emotions and profound uncertainty. Understanding why it happened can be the first vital step toward healing. But sometimes a deeper question comes up: Is it infidelity, a heartbreaking breach of trust, or something more complex, like sex addiction? Today, we're diving into one of the most misunderstood topics in relationships to help bring clarity to your situation. As licensed counselors, we approach this delicate subject with profound compassion and a non-judgmental stance, recognizing that this information may be encountered by both those who have betrayed and those who have been betrayed, often during a very fragile and intense moment in their relationship history. Our aim is to provide educated, understandable, friendly, and empathetic guidance. This discussion will address some of your toughest questions, including: What are the key differences between infidelity and sex addiction? What are the signs and symptoms of sex addiction? I just found out about my partner's affair: how do I know if this is a one-time thing or the start of an addiction? What role does pornography play in infidelity and sex addiction? Are there assessments for sex addiction that I can use and trust? Let's get into it. Understanding Infidelity vs. Sex Addiction: Key Differences One of the most common questions we hear is, "How do I know if this is infidelity or addiction?" When a couple is grappling with a recent discovery or disclosure, it can be incredibly challenging to differentiate between these two distinct patterns of behavior. While both involve sexual acting out outside of a committed relationship and cause immense pain, their underlying drivers and characteristics differ significantly. Defining Infidelity At its core, infidelity is defined as sexual activity with someone other than a primary romantic partner or spouse. It's important to clarify that today's discussion focuses specifically on sexual infidelity, not emotional affairs. While emotional affairs are undoubtedly a profound betrayal and cause deep hurt, they do not fall under the clinical definition of sexual infidelity, which specifically involves sexual behaviors. Infidelity can manifest in various ways: it might be a single, isolated incident, or it could involve multiple extramarital partners, either serially or even simultaneously. The complexity increases when, for instance, an affair partner is also a sex trade worker, or if a long-term, even decade-long, secondary relationship or "second family" scenario exists. Even in such severe cases, the behavior can still be classified as infidelity if certain key elements of addiction are absent. Defining Sex Addiction Sex addiction, in contrast, is characterized by a recurrent failure to resist sexual impulses. The most crucial differentiator here is the concept of impulse control, or rather, the lack thereof. This isn't just about having sex multiple times with an affair partner; it's about a high level of spontaneity, impulsiveness, and uncontrollability surrounding the sexual activity. The individual feels compelled to act despite a desire to stop. Core Differentiators Between Infidelity and Sex Addiction Impulse Control: This is paramount. With sex addiction, there's a profound lack of impulse control, where the individual feels driven by compulsive urges. In infidelity, while there's a choice made to betray, it typically doesn't exhibit the same level of uncontrollability. Escalation Over Time: Infidelity might deepen emotionally over time, but sex addiction often involves an escalation in the intensity, frequency, and risk of the sexual behaviors. This can mean progressing from one type of acting out to another, or engaging in increasingly dangerous scenarios.
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    45 分
  • The Art of Healthy Boundaries

    The Art of Healthy Boundaries
    2025/06/16
    In the intricate dance of life and relationships, the concept of boundaries often arises as a critical tool for maintaining balance and well-being. However, despite their importance, many people unknowingly approach boundary setting in ways that are counterproductive, manipulative, or even harmful to themselves and their relationships. As trained and licensed counselors, we frequently encounter individuals struggling with this very issue; feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, or trapped by dynamics they desire to change. Our goal today is to demystify healthy boundaries and show you how to implement them effectively. There are two primary situations where boundaries become essential: Overextension and Burnout: This occurs when you find yourself saying "yes" to too many demands on your time, energy, and involvement, leading to exhaustion and a sense that your own priorities are constantly being pushed aside. Learning to say "no" is crucial here to reclaim a manageable life. Relationship Challenges: This involves situations where someone is consistently not treating you with respect or kindness, or where the interaction itself is becoming harmful. These are the boundaries that require careful articulation to safeguard your emotional and psychological space. While both aspects are vital, our focus today is on the second scenario: setting boundaries within relationships. We'll delve deep into how to articulate a healthy boundary that feels authentic, isn't controlling or manipulative, and ultimately fosters healthier, more respectful relationships. 1. How Boundary-Setting is Abused It's common to see boundaries being used incorrectly, leading to misunderstandings and further relational damage. Many people believe they are setting a boundary when, in reality, they are engaging in behaviors that undermine the very purpose of healthy limits. Let's explore some common misuses: Ultimatums: The "If You Do X, I'll Never Speak to You Again" Approach An ultimatum is often a desperate attempt to protect oneself or prevent a harmful situation. For example, telling someone, "If you do that again, I'll never speak to you." While the desire for safety is understandable, ultimatums rarely work in a pro-relational way. The problem is that they force the boundary-setter into a position of rigid enforcement. If the person crosses the line, you are then obligated to follow through, even if you don't want to sever the relationship entirely. This can leave you feeling trapped by your own declaration, and it often creates a dynamic that is not conducive to mutual growth or a healthy connection. It’s like saying, "I value the absence of this behavior more than I value our ongoing relationship," which isn't always the case, especially if the relationship is otherwise important. Coercive Control: Forcing Behavior Through "Boundaries" Another misuse is disguised as coercive control, where the "boundary" is an attempt to force someone else to do or stop doing something. Consider the common parenting trap: "If you don't clean your room, I'm going to take away your favorite toy." While consequences for children are necessary, this can easily devolve into manipulation if the consequence is disproportionate or unrelated, or if the primary goal is control rather than teaching responsibility. The true purpose of a boundary is not to make someone change their behavior for your comfort, but to define the terms under which you are willing to engage. If your "boundary" is just a veiled threat to get what you want, it lacks the invitational, relational quality of a healthy limit. Manipulation: Consequences Unrelated to the Boundary Manipulation is closely linked to coercive control. This is when you use consequences that are completely unrelated to the behavior you're trying to address, or when you use power to compel someone. For instance, an older parent saying to an adult child, "If you don't spend more time with me,
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    37 分
  • How to Tell If You Have PTSD – The Signs You Need to Watch For

    How to Tell If You Have PTSD – The Signs You Need to Watch For
    2025/03/31
    Have you ever felt constantly on edge? Like no matter how much you try to relax, your body just won't let you? Maybe you struggle with sleep, feel disconnected from others as you go through daily life, or find yourself reacting to situations in a way that surprises you. It's just kind of not you. And the worst part is, you don't really know why. Today we're breaking down what PTSD looks like. We’ll discuss how it can show up in your daily life and the twelve leading signs that you may be living with unresolved trauma. We'll explore why these patterns develop, how they affect your relationships and daily experiences, and what steps you can take to start making sense of it all. To make this as helpful as possible, we will pull from our experience as therapists who work with trauma survivors. We’ll also refer to the book “The Body Keeps Score,” by trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk. Whether you've been through a major life event or a series of smaller things that have stacked up on you, if you feel like something isn't quite right, this post could give you the clarity that you've been searching for around PTSD and whether that describes what you have been experiencing. Dr. van der Kolk outlines twelve leading symptoms of complex PTSD. We're going to break these down for you here. 1. Hypervigilance The first leading symptom of PTSD is a constant feeling of unsafety and hypervigilance. Dr. van der Kolk says that patients with PTSD are always on guard. Their bodies are chronically tense and defensive as if they're still in danger now. We often see this play out in our therapy sessions. When people come in for counseling, they don’t necessarily use the word “hypervigilance.” Instead, they tend to say things like, “I’m very aware of everything that's happening around me.” They say they feel like they’re “always on watch,” they’re “very aware of others and interactions,” and that they're “always on guard.” They may also say that they “feel super awake, all the time.” Hypervigilance after betrayal: As therapists, we do a lot of work with survivors of betrayal – of infidelity or when your partner has an affair, for example. Our clients who have experienced this type of trauma often tell us that they always feel very aware of when their partner gets a text message. They're keyed right in on that little text notification. If something's a little bit off about how their partner is conducting themselves, or if their partner is two minutes late - things that would've never bothered them in the past - suddenly catch their attention. That’s hypervigilance. One of the biggest things our clients have talked about is always tracking their spouse. If their spouse is out of the home, they need to know exactly where they are at all times. And it's because they’re not feeling safe, so they have to try and make themselves feel safe in some way. Hypervigilance after medical trauma: People can experience hypervigilance around medical traumas as well. Just the other day, we observed a parent whose child went through a major prolonged illness that involved immense hopelessness and fear of losing the child. Thank God, the child did recover and everybody's doing great today physically. But this parent expressed feeling that same hypervigilance and alertness even today, even though the child is healthy. It’s been quite some time of decent health, and the child’s health is getting better all the time. And still, if there's anything off about her – if she has a little cough or something, this parent is right on it. That's an example of hypervigilance in a medical and familial context. That is one of the characteristics of PTSD. Show Yourself Compassion We want to encourage you to have compassion for yourself if you're experiencing hypervigilance. This is happening because your nervous system and your body went through a very dangerous situation. Whether the danger was about you or someone dear to you,
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    30 分

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