Dr. Eddie Capparucci and Tami discuss and answer questions about building confidence in recovery. They describe the coping strategies and layers of hurt that can be found on the pain field, and the four things that have to happen in order for a partner to successfully stay on the pain field in order to work toward recovery and healing. This session was live via SexandRelationshipHealing.com on February 21, 2024.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] The pain field is a place where both partners are speaking a different language.

[5:03] Emotional dysregulation happens when either partner leaves the pain field.

[7:25] Where does a partner go when they leave the pain field?

[9:10] Why should a partner want to stay on the pain field?

[11:30] Slowing everything down is the starting point for staying on the field.

[13:52] Quiet down the inner child to engage as an adult.

[15:32] Stay present and engaged, then identify the pain point.

[20:32] If you see your spouse moving off the pain field, tell them.

[24:00] The ultimate goal is reconciliation. Getting there will be a process.

[27:36] If a man is getting flooded, he needs to take a break.

[32:41] My spouse has a pattern of accidentally physically hurting me or my possessions, is this unconscious resentment?

[37:04] If my spouse needs to take a break, why doesn’t he just say so?

[38:12] We just got back together and now I’m experiencing abandonment trauma. What should I be focusing on to feel healthy?

[41:43] How can I be more attune to my wife’s wishes?

[45:20] How important is it that the betrayer be on the pain field?

[48:00] What does Dr. Eddie which he had known early in his recovery?

[49:34] My wife gets triggered when I don’t check in with her. Is this normal in recovery?

[51:45] How can I quiet my inner child if I don’t believe it’s real?

[53:45] My husband doesn’t think he’s dealing with addiction. How can we navigate recovery?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• “We’re not going to do anything perfectly, but if we’re willing, we stand a chance.”

• “You have to quiet the inner child before the emotions begin to ramp up.”

• “If you’re not engaged you may as well be on another field.”

• “Your infidelity is the cause, but not the core of your spouse’s pain.”

• “If your partner is totally deflated and depleted, you’re not going to get what you’re looking for. You’re going to get just the opposite.”