People often feel a connection with others for a variety of reasons. This connection can be based on shared experiences whether positive or negative. Our first bonds are with our family of origin—mom, dad, siblings—and extend to other close relatives. Soldiers who have been in combat together have one type of bond. People who grew up together or went to school together or played on the same sports team have other types of bonds they share. For some, these bonds are easier to understand and perpetuate than that of the bond shared between two people in a marriage. Maybe it is because the intensity of the emotional relationship in the early stages, when romance is new and intense, does not remain the same over time.

Initially, in a romantic relationship, some people almost fall over themselves in an attempt to show their love and feelings for the other. They are preoccupied with the other person. They can tell another all about them. Every like or dislike of the other person is mentally catalogued. They are bent on expressing their affection and devotion to the person and enjoy the same in return. It comes so natural. It feels effortless. Then, with the passing of time, something happens. They begin to notice the intensity of the feelings are diminished—not gone—just not the same. They become accustomed to one another. Before long, they are taking the other for granted in little ways and not as concerned as before about pleasing the other. It is at this point some mistakenly think they have “fallen out of love” or the other person has changed, or their love is dying. In reality, it is more likely that their emotional connection is fading.

Couples need shared experiences, shared dreams, and more, but the foundation for the relationship is an emotional connection or bond. Fundamentally, an emotional connection is a union between two people based on feelings of love each share for and with the other as they experience the good and the bad things of life together. If we lose that connection, we lose the emotional support and feelings of acceptance that the most intimate of all relationships have to offer. We cease to think in terms of “we” or “us” and think only in terms of “me” and “mine.” This in itself will begin to cause a fracture in the relationship bond.

To prevent this fracture or the breaking of this important bond consider the following suggestions for building, maintaining, and nurturing your emotional connection with the one you love.

Some individuals take pride in being perfectionists, while others feel frustrated because their perfectionism has led to stress and disappointment. Whether you embrace your perfectionist tendencies, feel troubled by them, or are uncertain about your perfectionism, it's important to recognize that it can be a double-edged sword. Many people experience a love-hate relationship with this trait in themselves.

I often have conversations with men who feel frustrated with themselves for continuing to view pornography, despite the negative impact it has on them and their relationships with their spouses or girlfriends. They all seem to wonder why they persist in behaviors they genuinely wish to avoid. The answer isn't always straightforward, as everyone is unique.

However, pornography expert Patrick Carnes has pinpointed several key motivators for pornography use that can often shed light on the struggles men face with this issue. Understanding our motivations or what drives us to act in certain ways is crucial. In my view, it's essential to tackle the root of the problem rather than just addressing the symptoms. This is what we aim to start exploring in this episode.