Website: 🌐 www.andiclark.com

Self Assessment form: https://subscribepage.io/big-emotions-self-assessment

Book a 30-Minute Call with Andi – Get your questions answered and explore next steps: Book here: https://tidycal.com/andi1/bookacall

Meltdowns are not a sign your child is being disrespectful—they’re a sign they’re overwhelmed, stuck, or trying to communicate something they don’t yet have the words for. In today’s episode, we’re focusing on how to meet your child where they are in the middle of an emotional outburst, and what to do (and not do) to help them feel safe, seen, and supported.

You’ll learn how your own nervous system impacts your response, why some kids shut down completely, and what’s actually happening in their brains when they “lose it.” You’ll also get ideas you can try today—even if your child refuses every tool you’ve learned.

• You can’t teach during a meltdown—the moment is for safety and regulation, not lessons.
• How your own stress animal influences your response—and what to do if you're triggered too.
• Why some kids go silent or “freeze” in the middle of a meltdown, and how to support them without pushing.
• Co-regulation doesn't always look like calming your child down—sometimes it means just being a calm presence beside them.
• Strategies like turning on a calming show or offering stillness aren’t “giving in”—they’re resetting the nervous system.

• [03:20] What’s really happening in your child’s nervous system during a meltdown—and why logic doesn’t work at that moment.
• [06:12] The difference between a tantrum and a meltdown—and why assuming your child is “in control” can make things worse.
• [09:05] What to do if your child shuts down or goes silent—and why stillness doesn’t mean they’re fine.
• [13:40] How your own stress response shows up in these moments—and how to ground yourself first, even if it’s just one breath.
• [17:55] The one thing that makes co-regulation effective—and why trying to “fix” the meltdown too soon backfires.
• [21:30] Tools that don’t require your child to engage—like a calming show or sitting in quiet together—that reset their nervous system without adding pressure.
• [25:10] Why your child may reject every tool in the moment—and how to stop taking that personally.
• [29:00] A reminder that meltdowns are built up over time—and your response today is one step in a longer journey of safety and trust.

• “Stress Animals” Framework (Dolphin, Shark, Turtle, Clownfish) Episode 110 https://andiclark.com/podcast/

• Book a free coaching call: https://tidycal.com/andi1/bookacall

💬 If this episode helped you see meltdowns in a new light, please share it with a friend or leave a review—it helps more parents feel less alone.

🎙 Listen to all episodes at: https://andiclark.com/podcast/

Website: 🌐 www.andiclark.com

Self Assessment form: https://subscribepage.io/big-emotions-self-assessment

Book a 30-Minute Call with Andi – Get your questions answered and explore next steps: Book here: https://tidycal.com/andi1/bookacall

In this powerful conversation, former special education teacher and parent coach Amy Dooley joins Andi to explore what it really means to parent from a place of connection, not control. Amy shares her personal shift from traditional classroom discipline to connection-based parenting, and how that journey led her to support parents in transforming their own limiting beliefs.

Key Takeaways:

• Behavior is a signal, not the problem. When kids act out, it’s often a cry for safety, not defiance.
• You are worthy, even in the mess. Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent—they need a present one.
• Parenting shifts begin with self-work. To truly support your child, start by noticing and healing your own patterns.
• Control isn’t connection. Old-school discipline methods may suppress behavior, but they don't meet your child’s underlying needs.
• Safety comes before strategies. When your child feels seen and supported, their nervous system calms—and so does yours.

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] – Welcome + Amy's background as a teacher and homeschool parent

[02:00] – Early career belief: “Control = good teaching”

[04:50] – The moment Amy realized she wasn’t seeing the child—just the behavior

[06:30] – The Coke bottle metaphor: why behavior is the symptom, not the problem

[08:30] – Shifting from labeling kids to understanding them

[10:00] – Step one: Assigning positive intent to your child

[12:30] – Why parents must start with their own healing

[14:10] – “I am worthy. Period.” and what today’s kids are demanding

[16:00] – Parenting through generational change

[17:50] – The screwdriver and screw analogy: why parent shifts must come first

[20:00] – Why Amy left the classroom to work with parents

[22:30] – A child’s progress is limited when the home foundation is shaky

[25:30] – How presence—not perfection—builds trust

[28:00] – Feeling like you’re not enough as a parent

[30:00] – What “being enough” really looks like in the messiest moments

[33:00] – Why your own regulation matters more than the strategy

[35:00] – Amy’s story of timing meltdowns vs. being present

[37:00] – When you shift, your child’s behavior shifts too

[39:00] – Forgiving your former self and building new tools

[42:00] – The parenting purse analogy: replacing outdated tools

[45:30] – Final message: You are worthy. Your mess doesn’t disqualify you.

Resources Mentioned:

💡 Amy Dooley's Free Quiz: Discover your parenting strengths and get 3 connection-based strategies:

Website: 🌐 www.andiclark.com

Self Assessment form: https://subscribepage.io/big-emotions-self-assessment

Book a 30-Minute Call with Andi – Get your questions answered and explore next steps: Book here: https://tidycal.com/andi1/bookacall

• If your child melts down over getting dressed, avoids homework, or can’t stick with a simple routine—it’s not defiance or laziness. Their brain might be overwhelmed by the steps we’re asking them to take.
• 
  
• Many kids are expected to follow plans or routines before they’re ready—because no one has helped them with the basics their brain needs first.
• 
  
• Before kids can follow a list or stay focused, they need help with skills like noticing what’s happening around them, managing distractions, and stopping themselves from going off track.
• 
  
• When we slow things down and meet them at the step they can handle, they feel more successful—and that’s when real progress begins.
• 
  
• Your child isn’t failing. They just need support that matches how their brain works.

• [00:01:15] Why even adults struggle with attention—and how screens play a role
• 
  
• [00:06:40] Real-life examples of attention struggles and how they affect daily routines
• 
  
• [00:08:15] Introducing the fire metaphor: Kindling, logs, and flames of executive functioning
• 
  
• [00:10:20] The four foundational skills that must come before planning
• 
  
• [00:13:10] Why giving your child a “beautiful visual schedule” might still lead to meltdowns
• 
  
• [00:14:35] How skipping steps on the ladder causes overwhelm, shutdowns, and feelings of failure
• 
  
• [00:16:00] The hidden complexity of getting dressed—and why it’s not just one task
• 
  
• [00:18:45] How brain maturation and scaffolding work together over time
• 
  

• Want to better understand your child’s executive functioning challenges?
• Start with the Kids With Big Emotions Self-Assessment:
• 👉 https://andiclark.com/assessment
• 
  

Ready to explore personalized support?

Book a free 30-minute call to see if 1:1 coaching is the right fit for your family:

👉 https://tidycal.com/andi1/bookacall