Ever think of starting a smart, fun, and successful podcast with some of your chums? Some might scoff and guffaw at you, saying to give up, “That’s just a pipe dream.” Well we horseman say NAY! Don’t listen to the haters and the naysayers, the negative Nancies and sour Sallies, the rude Rachels and the mean Michelles, the glaring Guses and idiotic Ichabods. We say, start that podcast! Find a shed! Get some mics with your chums! Keep your chin up, Jimmy. Someday, maybe your show will be as good your favorite podcast…. It’s a new episode of Hold Your Horses!

“And so, you want to put the utter in between your thumb and forefinger,” the stoic farmer explained to the young boy standing next to him. Staring at the dirt, the boy was quiet. “Joash!” the farmer barked as he looked up at the boy. “Are you paying attention? I won’t always be here to show you how to do everything, that’s why I’m showing you now!” Joash patted the large cow in front of them on the rump as he readjusted to get a clear view of the dangling utters. “Yessir, I’m watching,” he muttered. “Good, now, as I was saying—” Just as the farmer was going to demonstrate again, the cow let out a huge moo and began faltering. Before the farmer could see what was happening, the cow fell in his direction and pinned him to the ground. “Great leaping leprechauns! Joash! I’m stuck, I can’t move. I can’t breathe! Go get help!” Joash sprang into action. “Yessir! I’ll be back in a jiffy,” he sang as he bolted out of sight. “Wha-? When are you coming back? I need help now!”

Sometimes, when I sit in solitude, sweet memories of my grandmother shower my weary mind. What a woman she was. Kind and knowing, fierce and faithful. She did have one annoying habit though, can you guess what it was? Suckin’ and slurpin’ her eggs without so much as a straw or spoon in sight! You outta be ashamed of yourself, granny, behavin’ like that! One could make the argument that if your idiom knowledge isn’t up to snuff, you’re as impolite as granny is sippin’ on those yolks! Don’t be uncouth and uncultured. Be sophisticated and suave. Debonaire with slicked-back hair! It’s an all new episode of Hold Your Horses!