Have you ever moved somewhere new and felt like you were on the outside looking in?

This was Charlotte Massey when she moved to Seattle in the midst of the pandemic, when making friends was borderline impossible. Instead of accepting isolation, she got strategic about it. We’re taking friend-dating spreadsheets and sales funnel approaches.

Charlotte is the executive director for the Seattle chapter of the U.S. Chamber of Connection, a new civic organization tackling the loneliness epidemic, and founder of the Seattle Picnic Society. In this episode, she offers so much inspiration and great advice for those not feeling connected where they’re at.

Whether you're new to your city or you've been there for years, the principles are the same. Get specific about your invites. Show up consistently. Don't be afraid to follow up multiple times. Most importantly, if the community you want doesn't exist, create it.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Charlotte’s move in 2021 and the challenges she faced, from the pandemic to the “Seattle freeze”
• How Charlotte used a sales funnel approach, “friend dating,” and intentional invites to connect new people
• The Seattle Picnic Society – picnics that grew from five to one hundred attendees, and how you could create something similar in your community
• Being bold and persistent in reaching out to potential friends and looking at how you can improve on the Six Points of Connection

Resources & Links

Learn more about the Seattle Picnic Society and the Six Points of Connection on the U.S. Chamber of Connection website.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Have you ever felt like you were the “extra invite?” The “filler friend?” The friend who gets invited to the big events but never the intimate gatherings?

There are lots of reasons people find themselves in this position. Maybe a big life change has altered friend dynamics; maybe you’re just in a totally new friendship group. But maybe you’re also exhibiting behaviors that are keeping you on the fringe.

If you want deeper friendships and to be part of more intimate gatherings, you can change this, and in this episode I offer tips on how to do this, from initiating invitations to focusing on the individual connections in your group.

But I also talk about the benefits of those “second tier” friendships. Don’t forget, they can still be beautiful connections in your life, even if they don’t become part of your inner circle.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• My friend who complained to me about always being the “extra invite” – and how she changed this to create a more fulfilling network
• The value in the Wheel of Connection in understanding the different kinds of friends, from familiar to defined connections
• Why fringe friendships can be beautiful and meaningful, even if they are not all-encompassing
• The benefits of strengthening relationships with each friend in a group, which consequently strengthens your connection with the group as a whole

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 100 about the Wheel of Connection.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

There are songs about romantic heartbreak, but where are the songs about losing a friend who meant EVERYTHING to you? That’s what Leila Six and I want to know.

Today’s guest, Leila Six, is a singer-songwriter who is asking the hard questions about friendship in her music, using art to contribute to a culture that values all kinds of love, not just the romantic kind.

In this episode, we dive deep on why friendship deserves its own soundtrack, how art can help us process complex emotions, and what it looks like to be a social artist in a world that doesn't always value the art of connection.

Leila just released a new version of her song, “Glad,” which is her love letter to platonic love, and in order to spread the word, she’s hosting a contest! The prize? A copy of Shasta Nelson’s book, Frientimacy. The contest ends on the International Day of Friendship, July 30.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Challenges of voicing needs in friendships and the societal messages that friendship should be easy and effortless
• Learning to handle conflicts in friendships, similar to how we handle conflicts in romantic relationships
• The importance of having diverse relationships and maintaining proximity with friends, even if they are far away
• The lack of representation of real friendship experiences in media and art, often portraying friendship as overly romanticized or immature

Resources & Links

Follow Leila Six on YouTube, listen to her music (including “Glad!”), and enter her contest!

Listen to Episode 27 and Episode 69 about the loneliness epidemic; Episode 120 about how friendship is a political act; and Episodes 5 and Episode 7 with Alex Friedman.

Follow Shasta Nelson on YouTube and Instagram, and read All About Love by Bell Hooks and How We Show Up by Mia Birdsong.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!