Are you feeling guilty for not making it to every single one of your kid’s events? Mom guilt is easy to come by because mothers are held to an impossible standard, and wanting to be a good mother gives the guilt a strong emotional basis. Do you have to give up your life to feel like a good mother? In today’s episode of Femme Formula, Jessica and Marsais discuss mom guilt, the standards mothers are held to, and how you can set aside time for yourself while making sure you’re there for your kids.

After a catch-up, Jessica and Marsais discuss the many times they have felt guilty for having to miss events. They also talk about the guilt that comes with summer vacation as mothers have to find ways to constantly occupy their kids. Finally, they give perspective and tips to help listeners deal with the inevitable guilt.

For detailed show notes, navigate using the time stamps below:

[0:00] Introduction

[3:36] When Jessica first started dating her husband, he bought her very practical gifts and had to learn to get her things she wanted. She became a more practical gift-giver herself because she learned that he appreciated practical gifts.

[6:30] Jessica’s son Brantley has his fifth grade graduation coming up, which is going to mean that Jessica will have kids in two different schools. Marsais’s kids are going to four.

[12:30] Today’s episode will focus on mom guilt, which is a constant struggle when you feel like you have to entertain your kids constantly in the summer.

[17:14] We shouldn’t have to lose ourselves when we become moms, but it is easy to feel guilty when we pursue anything that is just about us.

[29:21] Marsais feels guilty every time she doesn’t make it to one of her kids’ events, but her husband does not. Men aren’t expected to be present for everything.

[33:29] Marsais has done everything she can to make sure she is home when her kids get home from school, so she provides consistency to her kids that way while taking other time for herself.

[38:30] Jessica doesn’t remember her mom not being at things. This perspective helps her deal with her guilt.

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Are you happy with your life? We’ve all experienced it—you realize you’ve reached an age that is definitively adulthood, but you still feel like you don’t know what you’re doing. Whether you’re feeling unfulfilled in the life you pictured yourself having as a child or feeling stuck in unexpected circumstances, you can make changes to live the life you want to live. In today’s episode of Femme Formula, Jessica and Marsais give tips on making positive changes that build up to a more fulfilling life.

Jessica and Marsais start by discussing the difficulty of balancing motherhood not only with date nights and personal needs, but also with motherhood itself as there is rarely enough time to attend all of your kids’ events. They move into giving examples of ways they made positive changes in their lives, and ways you can begin to implement changes too.

For detailed show notes, navigate using the time stamps below:

[0:00] Introduction

[0:40] Today’s episode is about fighting for the life you want. Marsais turned forty and realized that she still did not feel settled into adulthood, partly because she hadn’t found a way to live that felt completely fulfilling to her.

[2:50] Jessica celebrated her studio’s sixth anniversary over the past week. The years went by quickly for her.

[9:45] It’s hard not to feel guilty as mothers no matter what we do. Sometimes, as you balance your own needs and the needs of your children, you will miss things.

[11:25] Lots of mothers find it difficult to find any time to rest between after school activities, daily responsibilities, and being present with their children.

[16:40] Marsais told her son that he has to want to play football for him. Some families get wrapped up in doing what is expected of them, but Marsais suggests taking perspective in the decisions we make for our children.

[20:10] Marsais is reading Let Them.Theory, which is about letting people show you who they are and about taking action to change your circumstances.

[23:38] Making changes in your life can be fun. Marsais uses Table Topics with her kids, which helped make family dinners more fun and engaging.

[31:30] It is sometimes difficult to say no to our kids. Setting aside time for family will sometimes mean telling your kids that they can’t make other plans on scheduled nights. While this may be difficult in the moment, you won’t regret doing it.

Get The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About by Mel Robbins: https://www.amazon.com/Let-Them-Theory-Life-Changing-Millions/dp/1401971369.

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Achievements start as habits. In today’s episode of Femme Formula, Jessica and Marsais discuss habit forming, routines, and the hidden work involved in being a mother. They give their personal styles of routines and habit forming, discuss their goals, and dig into the challenges they are working to overcome.

Jessica and Marsais begin by discussing their relationships with routine. Jessica thrives off of routine and habits, while Marsais loves routines but sometimes struggles to form new habits. Next, they discuss how routines and habits have changed throughout their lives, and the difficulties that come with trying to form new routines.

For detailed show notes, navigate using the time stamps below:

[0:00] Introduction

[1:36] Jessica spent the past week doing a lot of journaling and trying to hone in on her routines. Marsais says she thrives off of routines.

[13:50] Jessica is pretty strict with her routines and goals, and considers herself an oddball in having her routines down to a science.

[16:30] As Marsais has gotten older, she does not feel older. Instead, she feels more sure in herself and her identity.

[24:29] Kids don’t see the behind the scenes of the work their mothers have to do, which puts mothers in a situation where much of their work is taken as a given.

[28:11] Marsais is good at maintaining habits, but struggles with creating them, particularly when her environment feels chaotic.

[33:10] Jessica has a solid nighttime routine. However, her morning routine has shifted and become long enough that it has cut into her work routine. She wants to start going to sleep earlier and waking up earlier.

[38:32] Marsais points out that routines need to be adaptable, because if routines become too rigid you set yourself up for failure on days when you do not have the bandwidth to stick to them.

[44:58] Jessica recommends the book Atomic Habits to help with intentionality around habit forming.

[51:11] Marsais wants to form a lifelong habit of working out, and is interested in taking a hip-hop dance class in Houston.

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