I’ve been thinking a lot about how fear can show up in our lives in sneaky ways—especially when we don’t even realize it. Maybe you’ve noticed it too, that feeling of snapping at someone or getting defensive when it’s not even necessary. What’s wild is that it’s not really about being angry—it’s fear wearing the mask of aggression, and we often don’t see it for what it is until it's already done damage.

I was having a conversation with my friend Trevor Boylston, who’s a coach and leadership expert, and he put it this way: “Fear makes us fight to protect something we feel we’re losing.”

That stuck with me, because SO OFTEN we disguise our fear behind that sense of aggression because it feels like we can control it. But the truth? It’s a complete disconnect from true confidence.

Trevor’s insight on this is spot on—he helps us understand how fear shows up in subtle ways, like defensiveness or shutting people down before they have the chance to finish a thought. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, but it’s also a learned response that we can unlearn. If we’re not consciously aware of how we’re responding, fear takes the wheel, and the confidence we’re striving for gets left behind.

Confidence gives you the space to not react from a place of fear. It’s like this invisible shield that helps you stay calm and centered when others are spiraling-- staying grounded, rather than escalating things, is a much more powerful response.

So, if you’ve ever found yourself reacting out of fear, snapping at someone, or shutting down in a conversation, this episode is for you. It’s not just about controlling your aggression—it’s about understanding what’s underneath it and building the confidence to face it head-on. Settle in, hit play, and let’s unpack this together.

You’ll walk away knowing:

• How fear turns into aggression and why we don’t always see it.
• What makes us go from zero to angry in the blink of an eye.
• Why emotional intelligence is your secret weapon when things get heated.
• What to do when you feel that aggressive energy bubbling up.
• How to handle tough conversations without letting fear take the wheel.

Trevor Boylston is the guy in the cube next to you who brings the ‘everyman’ perspective to working in a corporate environment as a transgender individual. With experience driving LGBTQ+ empowerment at a leading medical device company, and volunteer service with a leading LGBTQ+ community health center, Trevor brings an authentic view of how to foster an inclusive culture within a corporate structure. Learn more about Trevor or hire him to speak at trevorboylston.com.