Which system is the right system? What gauge is the right gauge? What metaphor best captures what we’re supposed to be paying attention to? If you have read many books on marriage you know how confusing these questions can be: love languages, pink hearing aids, blue sun glasses, love tanks, love banks, waffles, spaghetti, Mars, Venus, his needs, her needs, love, respect, love dare, seven key questions, seven minute solutions, new marriages by Friday, fourteen secrets, etc… (that’s from a two minute search on “marriage” on a Christian bookstore website).

Is all this language different ways of saying the same thing or do we need to know this many different systems?

You hear one couple talk about how a book / speaker completely revitalized their marriage and another couple tells you the same book / speaker didn’t do anything for them, is totally unrealistic, or created tension in their marriage.

How do we know what is “worth our time” (which is limited and we’d prefer not to waste)?

If you let these kind of questions stress you out, then you likely either to do nothing or fail to enjoy whatever you do in pursuit of marital romance. In this chapter, we want to do a few things to help you navigate these challenges.

1. Describe why understanding differences is important
2. Outline the kind of differences a couple needs to be aware of (main focus)
3. Caution against common misuses of our differences

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