Old Chile brings the party—and a handful of .22 bullets—to a not-so-peaceful sixth birthday bash. With tap shoes for Lucy, a bullhorn for Brian, and four shiny cartridges tucked under his tongue, Chile manages to dodge Simon Says, fake-swallow live ammo, and send a roomful of moms into a frenzy. A call to Goose Creek Hospital, a dramatic drive, and a very smug confession later… let’s just say no one blew out more candles than Chile did that day.

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Old Chile takes us back to one fateful Thursday night filled with Groucho Marx, choir practice, and a surprise trip to the emergency bathroom. While Mom and Dad sang hymns, Chile stayed home with his TV-loving grandmother and a junk drawer full of temptation. One pen knife, one overstuffed chair, and one nose later… well, let’s just say Groucho wasn’t the only one delivering sharp punchlines. A bloody mess, a swift handoff, and a closet full of secrets—this one cuts deep (literally).

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Old Chile takes us back to a simpler time—when jukeboxes bubbled, fries came with tartar sauce, and Grandpa’s pants were always one beer away from disaster. In this tale of burgers, backfires, and bare-bottomed blunders, Chile recounts a fateful lunch at the Rebel Inn with Daddy Max—a Studebaker-driving, camel-smoking character with a love for Pearl beer and zero regard for belts. It’s heartwarming, hilarious, and just a little mortifying. Bottoms up.

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