Text: Mark 10:32–45 In this message, Coleton draws out three defining qualities Jesus desires in His followers. As Jesus journeys to the cross, He pauses to tell His disciples what He wants them to become. In the same way a father might shape the identity of his child (like Coleton does with “bro trips” for his son), Jesus shapes the identity of His people. 1. He Wants the Cross to Be Central Jesus again reminds His disciples of His coming suffering (v.32–34), but they respond by asking for glory and reward (v.35–37). Coleton points out how easy it is to approach Jesus expecting an easier life, rather than embracing the call to die to self. • If the cross isn’t central, we’ll misinterpret hardship as failure, punishment, or evidence that God has let us down. • But suffering is part of the path. Like Jesus, we too will walk through pain. The cross reminds us that hardship isn’t punishment—it’s purpose. “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow me.” (Mark 8:34) When the cross is central: • We won’t expect an easy life. • We won’t minimize others’ pain. • We’ll learn to suffer well and bring real comfort to others who suffer. 2. He Wants Us to Be Set Apart In verses 42–44, Jesus tells His followers: “Not so with you.” Coleton emphasizes that Jesus isn’t asking for moral superiority or judgment over the world, but difference. Christians should live in contrast to worldly values—not through self-righteousness but through humility, sacrifice, forgiveness, generosity, and peace. Some examples of a “Not so with you” life: • The world seeks credit; Christians serve quietly. • The world holds grudges; Christians forgive. • The world avoids reconciliation; Christians fight for it. • The world fears the future; Christians trust in God. Jesus doesn’t ask us to condemn the world. He asks us to show a better way. 3. He Wants Us to Represent Him In verse 45, Jesus offers Himself as a model: “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” Coleton urges listeners to ask themselves: If my life is the only picture someone sees of Jesus, what will they think He’s like? Too many people claim Christ but misrepresent Him with hypocrisy, political idolatry, or cruelty. What our broken world needs is not more cultural Christians—it needs transformed people who reflect the real Jesus. People should see in us the compassion, courage, humility, and love of Christ. ⸻ Discussion Questions 1. The Cross & Suffering • How are you currently viewing your hardship or suffering? • Do you tend to see pain as a sign that something has gone wrong—or as something God can use to form you? • What would it look like to keep the cross central in your thinking during hard times? 2. Living Set Apart • Where in your life would Jesus say, “Not so with you”? • Which worldly values or habits are you tempted to follow instead of embodying Jesus’ way? • What is one practical way this week you can live differently—compellingly different—in your relationships, speech, spending, or reactions? 3. Representing Jesus Well • If someone based their view of Jesus solely on how you live, what would they believe He is like? • Do people see in you someone who has been radically changed by Jesus? • How can you more clearly reflect the compassion, humility, and sacrificial love of Jesus in your day-to-day life? ⸻ 📚 Quotes from Authors Charles Spurgeon: “God’s people have their trials. It was never designed by God, that His people should be an untried people. They were chosen in the furnace of affliction; they were never chosen to worldly peace and earthly joy… Trials are a part of our lot… it is the royal mark that distinguishes the King’s honored subjects. But even though hardship is the path of God’s children, they have the comfort of knowing that their Master has traveled it before them.”

In this sermon, Larry speaks from a place of wisdom, experience, and heartfelt concern for relationships. Drawing on decades of pastoral ministry and premarital counseling, he shares one of eight key principles he believes are essential for building, strengthening, or healing relationships: the incredible power of our words.

Larry begins by pointing out how many relationships feel like they control us, dragging us along rather than us leading them. But biblically, especially through Jesus' example, we are meant to lead in our relationships—not by force, but with service and intention. One of the most powerful ways to lead, he says, is through our words.

Larry emphasizes that words have the power to create or destroy. From the opening verses of Genesis, where God speaks creation into being, to Genesis 3, where Satan uses words to usher in destruction, Larry shows how scripture affirms this power. He uses two stories from the book of Judges to contrast wise, humble speech (Gideon’s response to angry tribesmen, which prevented conflict) with rash, defensive speech (Jephthah’s reaction, which led to war and 42,000 deaths). The message is clear: how we speak matters—deeply.

Citing both Paul (Ephesians 4) and Peter (1 Peter 3), Larry teaches that words can either invite the Holy Spirit’s presence and blessing or open the door to evil. He underscores that our speech is never neutral—it brings either life or death (Proverbs 18). Words of comparison, belittling, shaming, lying, and arrogance corrode relationships, while words of encouragement, truth, blessing, and humility bring healing.

Larry shares personal insights about how being a “non-mentioner” (someone who doesn’t naturally share feelings or thoughts) can inadvertently harm loved ones. He urges everyone—especially those who find verbal expression difficult—to speak anyway. Love and trust can only grow when people know each other’s hearts, and hearts are revealed through words.

He closes with practical wisdom: avoid “death words,” don’t tarnish people’s dignity, don’t lie (even in the name of kindness), and intentionally speak life-giving words—words that build, heal, and express love. Even if we struggle to use words well, Larry encourages us to start speaking anyway—clumsily if necessary—because silence cannot communicate love or truth.

1. Reflect: What kinds of words do I most often use in my closest relationships—life-giving or life-taking? How do others experience my speech?

2. Apply: Can I recall a time when someone’s gentle, wise words de-escalated a conflict in my life? What made their words so effective?

3. Repent: Are there “death words” I’ve used recently that need to be confessed and repaired? Who might I need to apologize to this week?

4. Act: What are some specific ways I can be more intentional about speaking life-giving words to my spouse, kids, friends, or coworkers?

5. Grow: If I struggle with verbal communication, what are one or two small steps I can take to begin expressing my heart more openly?