Angela Spearman, CSAT describes “globalized mistrust” as the tsunami of impact on betrayed partners after discovery. But what are the core thoughts and fears underlying and maintaining that tsunami once it gets going? Together with Tami she addresses strategies for dealing with uncertainty, then answers participant questions about betrayal, boundaries, and triggers and more.

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:09] The catalyst for the existential experience and global mistrust.

[5:20] Common questions from the betrayed partner (and what they really mean).

[7:27] Reshaping existential questions to encourage healing.

[11:10] The negative impact of rigid thinking.

[17:45] Complex and overwhelming realities in the world.

[21:00] Flexible thinking as a strategy for hope against cynicism.

[25:32] 3-step strategy for dealing with uncertainty.

[32:17] Processing the things you can’t control.

[36:40] I’m spiraling through my shame and I can’t support my wife either. Now what?

[42:18] How can I convey my boundaries to my partner?

[47:16] Why did my husband act out in the first place?

[51:26] How can I support my betrayed partner when she no longer wants my support?

[53:29] How do I navigate communication issues due to trauma?

[55:47] Why would I ever rebuild a relationship with someone so despicable?

[59:03] Is my recovery work creating more triggers?

[1:01:08] How does one get the betrayer to stop playing the victim?

[1:04:01] How can I move past feelings of injustice of stolen time and feeling used?

[1:06:28] How do I protect myself from being reinjured until I decide whether to leave?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• “In any type of crisis that you go through, you’re going to start asking some of these existential questions.”

• “We start with a fact and then start forming beliefs and expectations based on things we’ve experienced in the past.”

• “When we stop and pay attention to what our thoughts really look like, it can help us feel more empowered.”

• “Hope is energizing. It empowers you.”

• “There may never be a good enough answer.”