When Abby Paradis became a mother, it didn’t feel like a triumph. It felt like a reckoning. In this episode, she shares her essay I’m Not Here to Shape Her — a powerful reflection on what it means to raise children without trying to mold them.
We talk about parenting as witness, not authority, about standing behind the curtain like an ill-prepared stagehand, fumbling with the lights while our children find their mark. Abby brings story after story — from a backwards chimpanzee T-shirt to wrong-footed shoes — that reveal the quiet wisdom in letting children do things their way.
This is an essay about agency, but more than that, it’s about trust. It’s about loving without shaping, guiding without control, and reflecting back a simple truth:
“You’re already someone. Let’s find out who.”
Along the way, I share how her story echoes Chapter 10 of the Tao Te Ching — the invitation to lead without imposing our will, and to love without needing to steer. Together, we explore what it means to show up fully for the people we love, while letting them belong to themselves.
This conversation isn’t just for parents. It’s for anyone learning how to care without control, to love without possession, and to witness without judgment. It’s for anyone learning to lead — from behind the curtain.
Read the original essay on Medium here:
https://medium.com/the-parenting-portal/im-not-here-to-shape-her-7455d57f069b?sk=v2%2F4a907514-faaa-48f2-829b-ab42c1ed008f
For more essays, episodes, and ways to connect, check out the Authbition website here:
https://www.authbition.com/