What if we accepted our struggles and stopped trying to be someone we’re not? In this poignant, hilarious book, the bestselling co-author of I’ll Be There (But I’ll Be Wearing Sweatpants) shares her experiments in finding our way back to each other.

Jess Johnston used to feel alone in her mess. In a random burst of courage, she started sharing those insecurities and struggles out loud, and what she found shocked her. Again and again, people replied, “Me too! I thought I was the only one!”

Over the past decade she’s reached hundreds of thousands of women with her messages of authenticity and refreshing realness, and this is what she’s found: Women are really, really hard on themselves, and we should stop it.

We often believe that if we just “did better,” “worked harder,” and “were less messy/flawed/human,” our lives would be infinitely better and everyone would like us more, therefore giving us the belonging we crave. In her research, Johnston has discovered that the exact opposite is true. It isn’t our lack of perfection that isolates us; rather, it’s our authenticity about our imperfections that bring us together.

With honesty, heart, and humor, Johnston takes on the lies she’s believed and the lessons she’s learned (and is still learning) about cultivating an authentic, connected life, including:

• If I’m rejected, I will die. (We won’t.)

• I’m a junior varsity adult, and the best spot for me is usually the bench. (Nope, we’ve got to get in there and play.)

• My job is to keep people happy and make sure they like me. (Excuse me while I go hide in my closet and have an anxiety attack.)

Johnston reminds us that the answers are in us already. They’re in wearing shoes that fit, in letting ourselves be ourselves, and in accepting that we’re a lot—a lot of mess, and a lot of great too.