Finally, a philosophy book that's as depressing as existence itself—but way funnier!

Ever wondered what would happen if someone explained existentialism without the pretentious jargon, cigarette smoke, and unbearable French ennui? Wonder no more! Existence Is Pointless (And So Is This Book) delivers all the existential dread with none of the academic torture.

In this irreverent guide to philosophy's most depressing movement, you'll discover:

• Why Kierkegaard invented existential anxiety while living off his rich daddy's money
• How Nietzsche's magnificent mustache compensated for his terrible social skills
• What Sartre lacked in eyebrows he made up for in ego
• Why Camus was suspiciously handsome for someone so committed to the absurd
• How Simone de Beauvoir did all the emotional labor while the men got all the credit
• Why Heidegger couldn't write a clear sentence to save his life (or his Nazi-sympathizing reputation)
• How to sound deep at parties without everyone secretly hating you

Whether you're a philosophy student looking for clarity, a curious reader wondering what all the existential fuss is about, or just someone who enjoys laughing at the cosmic joke of human existence, this book delivers philosophical insights with a side of merciless mockery.

Perfect for anyone who's ever had an existential crisis in the cereal aisle, wondered why life feels meaningless despite your expensive education, or just needed a good laugh at the expense of history's most miserable thinkers.

Warning: May cause uncontrollable laughter, sudden clarity, and the irresistible urge to wear black turtlenecks while staring meaningfully into the distance.